Re: a comment on Tropical afternoon by cpill	21-Jun-07/5:00 AM
I always thought you were male. Oops.
Re: Tropical afternoon by cpill	21-Jun-07/5:00 AM
Not keen on 'shoulders sag' - it sounds like you give up on everything, whereas the rest of the poem is less like that. I'd change it to 'let the shoulders down', like you're letting blinds down on the windows, letting your guard down and a million other relaxed cliches. 'Menstruating sky' is hilarious.
Re: Resume by drnick	21-Jun-07/4:55 AM
The funny thing with the first two stanzas is that they're a sort of guarded joy, almost like you don't expect anything to last, and it bothers you, whereas the next three stanzas sound like you don't care about that fact. It's much the same with starting 'game over' and ending 'now resume' - I like that facet. But, of course, good luck with it :-)
Re: a comment on Beslan by Ranger	8-Jun-07/4:27 AM
We have a balalaika at home, a genuine Russian piece of rubbish. Whoever made it seemed to think it would be funny to string instruments with cheesewire. I don't feel I can change line 1 to the singular; it is in part deliberately ambiguous (talking to the terrorists or to God - either way 'balalaikas' works, I think) as it was being worked out as I went (4th, possibly 5th type ambiguity for those Empson disciples out there).
Re: The kissing chair incident by Stephen Robins	8-Jun-07/4:20 AM
In future I advise you to be prepared for such eventualities: always carry a portable truncheon so as to beat such presumptuous yobs across the pate for troubling you. It is important to lay down the law as soon as possible, or they will start taking all sorts of liberties like walking in public places or heckling you for a chip at 3am.
Re: Melancholy Tart by Skamper	8-Jun-07/4:14 AM
I like it, all except the exclamation mark at the very end. Turns it from being quite a maudlin piece into what seems like it's meant to be a joke. Metrically I'd change 'remain' to 'stay', and maybe tweak the third stanza. Perhaps: "I feel a little melancholy" (whispered to no-one in particular) ..." etc.
Re: Persnickety by malpaso	8-Jun-07/4:09 AM
Catchy, perhaps a little thin on the narrative depth, but still good fun to read aloud.
Re: a comment on Bitter by Ranger	8-Jun-07/4:05 AM
I won poemeranker! How the devil are you these days? It's nice to see you around again :-)
Re: a comment on No-Strings by sca	6-Jun-07/5:30 AM
lol, don't you just love emo poetry though? (almost as much as terrible irony)
Re: a comment on The North Wind by Ranger	6-Jun-07/5:18 AM
This is possibly the worst thing I ever wrote. But it was about 5 years ago. Nothing pre-2006 of mine is worth reading. Actually, not much post-06 is worth reading either. Nothing wrong with an inventive idiolect, and as for colloquial language, well it depends who you're a follower of.
Re: a comment on No-Strings by sca	6-Jun-07/5:15 AM
I joined for a couple of months last year but surrendered all hope when I got people vehemently adamant that I should not have called something a sonnet because it did not have the "right number of syllables". At that point I gave up and decided to live the rest of my life as a hermit in a cave somewhere in Tibet.
Re: a comment on No-Strings by sca	6-Jun-07/5:05 AM
Is this on allpoetry? That place annihilated my desire to write :-(
Re: No-Strings by sca	6-Jun-07/4:58 AM
This is your best yet from what I've seen. You've got a good sense of meter, although the first line is bulky. I'd split that line slightly: Damn it, why do... etc. "Just-the-one is not your type" is the best line. -9-
Re: Sit tight, sweetheart by JMakStak	6-Jun-07/4:52 AM
Decent enough, although it won't win any prizes for novelty value. The curtains came in a bit suddenly.
Re: Call Someone Right Away by jessicazee	6-Jun-07/4:50 AM
This is super, although I'm not sure whether you want it to be bitterly ironic or genuinely humorous...
Re: a comment on Bitter by Ranger	6-Jun-07/4:48 AM
Thank you :-)
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	4-Jun-07/4:46 AM
Nice musicality to this. One alteration I'd make - shiny into shining; it has a little more of an up-and-down cadence to it, rather like the waves.
Re: Never Still by Skamper	4-Jun-07/4:34 AM
Don't get too worked up about rhyming perfectly. 'figure' is a more subtle rhyme for 'river' in this context: if it seems like you're putting words like quiver in for the sake of trying to rhyme it gets distracting.
Re: [Gasp]{last letter, first letter} by sca	4-Jun-07/4:31 AM
Ah, some most superb multisyllabic rhymes. You must like Byron.
Re: Barking Bargain by Dovina	4-Jun-07/4:25 AM
Nice idea, it seems a bit bulky - prosaic in areas. I rather like the final stanza though, it makes perfect sense to me.