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Melancholy Tart (Free verse) by Skamper
After dinner -
reclining sofa-shaped
draping thoughts
invade the spaces
left bare by
sustenance
I sigh -
remain focused
on the middle distance
barely aware
of my sonâs insistence
his constant mentioning
of something sweet
A treat â
âI feel a little melancholyâ
I whisper
to no-one in particular -
the boy hears
with those hopeful ears
âIs that a cake?â
he asks â
I shake my head
âNo, itâs a vegetableâ
an inattentive answer
but - incredibly
he wonders
if itâs kinda like
sweet potato pie!
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.976287
Overall Rank: 8281
Posted: June 7, 2007 3:38 PM PDT; Last modified: June 7, 2007 3:38 PM PDT
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Comments:
209 view(s)
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Metrically I'd change 'remain' to 'stay', and maybe tweak the third stanza. Perhaps:
"I feel a little melancholy"
(whispered to
no-one in particular)
..."
etc.