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Melancholy Tart (Free verse) by Skamper

After dinner - reclining sofa-shaped draping thoughts invade the spaces left bare by sustenance I sigh - remain focused on the middle distance barely aware of my son’s insistence his constant mentioning of something sweet A treat – “I feel a little melancholy” I whisper to no-one in particular - the boy hears with those hopeful ears “Is that a cake?” he asks – I shake my head “No, it’s a vegetable” an inattentive answer but - incredibly he wonders if it’s kinda like sweet potato pie!

Ranger 8-Jun-07/4:14 AM
I like it, all except the exclamation mark at the very end. Turns it from being quite a maudlin piece into what seems like it's meant to be a joke.
Metrically I'd change 'remain' to 'stay', and maybe tweak the third stanza. Perhaps:
"I feel a little melancholy"
(whispered to
no-one in particular)
..."
etc.




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