Re: The Musician by Carvaceous	13-Aug-03/5:47 AM
Why not imply the musician plays her emotions as well as his instrument, she being the instrument of lust. Most musicians shag non-stop. the line 'she dances along to the beat' is too basic, this is one possibility that impulsively came to me ..she glides like pollen in to a thorn' (so she's dancing in to trouble, in to pain because he will hurt her) and finally name the damn instrument as they say so much, you got the sultry sax, the sad violin, the reverberating cello? which instrument is it? maybe link it to the woman who loves him. Its not bad as it is but it could be as dark angel would put it----------ACE 6
Re: play to win by peaceseeker	13-Aug-03/5:49 AM
Last 6 lines were the most vivid but the opening is too gay and sugary for a depressive like me 6
Re: Art of Suffering by loneshadow29	13-Aug-03/5:52 AM
A mixed bag here. Its heartfelt and easy to relate too but it offers little imagination for such a saturated theme thats been done 1000s of times. I actually did like this though, not all poems need to be perfect, this says what it needs too with clarity and basic expression ....7
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Aug-03/5:55 AM
Actually silk worms are ribbed not smooth so that puts a rocket up my ass.
Re: Sparkling Rust by SupremeDreamer	13-Aug-03/6:02 AM
Excellent job its not pretentious, and I think its very poignant (especially the end, so sudden and final). Line one is also quite a beautiful thought, a mental ocean, that one line spawns so many thoughts like clams, drowning in yourself, being consumed, blue etc, This is raw and lingers, I have e0mailed it to my inbox (as i write so many death/angst poems take this a compliment) 10
Re: Sparkling Rust by SupremeDreamer	13-Aug-03/6:02 AM
The title's shit though.
Re: Molecular Parasitology Nerdcore Rap by Retaliate	13-Aug-03/6:05 AM
Enjoyable but the titles so paisley.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Aug-03/6:06 AM
Very expressive. Are the painters in?
Re: The Shadow's Dead by loneshadow29	13-Aug-03/6:13 AM
Get rid of all the melodrama and write it what it she did and your reaction. I don't want to sound like a balding, cock scratchin ghead master but this poem could be done in about 6 lines it just drones on and on blah blah blah. All you need to do is condense and edit, some potential but all this bitch craps gottta go. I've read a few of yours and this for you is average.
Re: The Shadow's Dead by loneshadow29	13-Aug-03/6:14 AM
Bad spell day for me by the looks of it.
Re: trying to cross the border to Sweetgrass by Patsy	13-Aug-03/8:23 AM
Layered and well executed 9
Re: A quivering boob by horus8	13-Aug-03/2:48 PM
Stop watching Anna Nicole Smith your obsessed man ! As for the boobs, well summer and men seem to come and go quicker than a posh wank 9 You crack me up.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Aug-03/3:58 AM
Bold and vivid, no nitpicks from moi 9
Re: Memory by Hostileintent	14-Aug-03/12:58 PM
It holds together well but some of the rhymes (ie the bell that gongs) and: People love what people fear,and people love a compliance to violence, tend to over jam the tart a little. The view of the knight as a forgone protagonist of moral virtue works well against the ignorance of todays society your getting at and I think this poem would be generally revered by the majority as a good satire on present times, in a literary audience you fall in to my category, some will love it and some will dissect the shit out of it. Some poems I write for instance are more traditional in the poetic sense, but theres lots of my stuff (mainly death or love poems) which are pretty accessible. What I guess I am saying is I think poems such as these are better to be understood than to be decoded for there meaning. --------7
Re: Incomplete by Hostileintent	14-Aug-03/1:03 PM
from here is fine: The megre,insignificant and wretched, ...Our foolish...- are foolhardy puissant individuals, And precarious fob eachother off as, Whose persona is not pellucid, Forget their ignorance-through the leviathan, So is it best,not to be the best, The distinctive,innate and innocuous, But just.....Ordinary But prior to it reads like a different poem altogether, its different in style and is drowned to overkill by rhyme. Easy on the word void, there is rescind which is another defintion of the word. I like the end which i pasted above but it reads more like a collaboration due to the difference in styles. another 7. Your always welcome on my feedback.
Re: God is a Lady by thepinkbunnyofdoom	14-Aug-03/1:05 PM
Fuck me you've come on leaps and bounds Pinkbuns, heres a 9 and congrats on the top 10
Re: drought on talkin river by richa	14-Aug-03/1:10 PM
God your good
Re: whilst the bells ring by richa	14-Aug-03/1:16 PM
Your use of language and ability to illustrate so much with concise lines always makes me envy you. Not that it matters but heres your gold nugget --10
Re: Pooty Pops, a delicious way to start your day! by Jeremi B. Handrinos	22-Aug-03/3:09 AM
Yeah thats what i call an american breakfast
Re: Good to the Last Drop by Bonehiss	22-Aug-03/8:12 AM
The best I've read of yours and love line 4 -9