| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Aug-03/6:45 AM |
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Totally absorbed I were ! !
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| Re: A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
5-Aug-03/6:47 AM |
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Some wicked phrases and imagery but the long lines make it tiring to read and absorb. 7
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| Re: Inet. mag. editors R jealous red haired Jews, oh and I'm 29 by horus8 |
7-Aug-03/5:57 AM |
H29B HORUS8.
WICKED POEM !
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| Re: blue lilac and I (edit) by richa |
7-Aug-03/8:47 AM |
Silvered in pike
Damn Damn Damn !
Kudos in abundance and you got it 9
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| Re: blue lilac and I (edit) by richa |
7-Aug-03/8:55 AM |
God I'm a tight bastard this so a 10.
As Jim Royle would say in a mancunian drawl '9 my arse'
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| Re: blue lilac and I (edit) by richa |
7-Aug-03/10:01 AM |
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Richa, I was thinking of Stanza one: silvered in pike could work but hatters has a point about the shoals. However it could work if you implied the stream was silvered by pike as the water was shallow thus - dying fish, trapped. You may be able to work with that but it may affect the brevity of the poem.
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| Re: How we found Jesus by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
10-Aug-03/3:14 PM |
A blast !
I loved the way you worked the chapter and verse from the bible with there ages. Its very long but in this case holds the interest. Lots of fun in this (the bell, the cherry tree and heres one of your own Q-Tip awards for ....aahh fuck it, just for picturing you bleat this out thru bluecollar, poet and street verse balladier.
eL NiNO
9
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| Re: Musings: Willow Sculpture by SupremeDreamer |
10-Aug-03/3:16 PM |
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Impressive, decoratively versed and heres a 9 for ink on my jugular.
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| Re: Maine Freeze by http://mulberryfairy |
11-Aug-03/1:53 AM |
Well depicted and you took me there. I must get round to reading your other stuff = 9
One thing L4,S2 (the ocean)
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| Re: Pencil Dust [revised] by SupremeDreamer |
11-Aug-03/2:05 AM |
With exception to stanza 1 I thought this was well written. I've seen all the comments below about you being lazy lately but there are some vivid touches in this poem (stza 2/3/5 particularly).
One thing I have learned (you may have the same problem) writers need to be selfish, I suffer from being thoughtful but will NEVER leave a poem half way through if my gal asks me something.
No one it seems understands us, heres your 8
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Aug-03/2:10 AM |
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I normally hate poems about poets but this held my attention and there's some suave lines in this one. I think the last line fucks its up, its damming the flow bro 7
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| Re: Loss by justjay |
11-Aug-03/2:30 AM |
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This is more like a mass of teen angst thought processes weaved in to a poem. The end is too general and I wanted to see more imagination. Its not terrible its just formulaic, routine stuff. Try working with a few metaphors and add a bit more imagination and less cliche. *5*
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| Re: Missing by justjay |
11-Aug-03/2:36 AM |
Not bad but show us this emptiness !
For example emptiness could be a bell not tolling, or a kiss before work after 20 years of marriage, give us what emptiness is to you. Also when you reach out what is there? is it emptiness? tell us about how the air feels so lost around your fingers anything other than nothing.
Lots of potential here but lethargic 5
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| Re: Confused by justjay |
11-Aug-03/2:39 AM |
Okay Buster lets get to it.
First off you can do this because your writing is concise but the poetry just isn't there. All you need to do is 'do time' on poemranker learn from the Yoda's and find your identity.
Use the force
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| Re: WHY IS THE MEDIA SO LONDON-CENTRIC? Written last Tuesday by Nicholas Jones |
11-Aug-03/3:14 AM |
Nicholas,
London is the Capital and they own the Sun, we peasants outside London must accept that we are inferior to all cockneys. London is also the only city in England, they pay higher taxes so deserve to have the best of everything.
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| Re: Maine Freeze by http://mulberryfairy |
11-Aug-03/8:57 AM |
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Here is your 9 again ---------------
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Aug-03/5:36 AM |
Liked the satire and scathing words that leaves an aftertaste, this was a great laY *9*
(the title sucks though)
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| Re: Twenty Cigarette Burns Ago by DurtKL |
13-Aug-03/5:37 AM |
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Love the title and the repetition of it works well in contrast with the poem. Some good stuff today on here 8
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| Re: Twenty Cigarette Burns Ago by DurtKL |
13-Aug-03/5:37 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Aug-03/5:41 AM |
Hangs together with much beauty. Its so accessible and I really gave a shit about the characterizations you made.
Smooth as a silkworm 10
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