| Re: Fifteen by Dovina |
20-Nov-06/4:36 PM |
(new) downy mustache
something about the distant mountain folds- makes no sense to me. I'm assuming the pomegranate berries are your period/ovulation.
Why do you run and what exactly are you running from might flesh (no pun intended) this out .
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| Re: a comment on Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT |
20-Nov-06/4:23 PM |
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Thanks Shuushin. Talk to me more about flow please.
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| Re: Celebrity by horus8 |
19-Nov-06/9:08 AM |
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Damn. Homeboy went off. Do you really want crits on this?
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| Re: Bagni di Lucca by Sasha |
8-Nov-06/6:12 AM |
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Ranger, Howl? Why the eights?
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| Re: 311006 txt to russia by daniella |
3-Nov-06/6:42 AM |
Just -Text to russia- would work. I'd go with less nature oriented scheme.
New end: You unfold me in the morning. This could see a ten easy.
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| Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic |
3-Nov-06/6:36 AM |
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Shit. I liked the sadder wiser beers. Fuck. Has everyone out-read me here, too? Love the sounds. If it matters 10.
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| Re: The Hunter, the Hunted, and the Bystander by Dovina |
3-Nov-06/6:31 AM |
I'd like to know what this assholes problem is. (the driver of the car) And it's too wordy for my tastes. This one could do away with the formal stanzas.
Say, what other poetry sites are y'all using these days?
What is working for who and why.
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| Re: Wind By Any Other Name by Edna Sweetlove |
12-Oct-06/7:34 AM |
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| Re: The Mandarin by Caducus |
12-Oct-06/7:24 AM |
Line one delete- to me and insert 2 dashes
same for line four (I wrote her) can go for two dashes.
Drop (noticing), drop laid,drop yet,drop and.
There's still something missing from the parts dealing with your father. Can't pinpoint it yet. Good to see you still plugging away. Fuckin' rough aint it?
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| Re: Mid-July by Ranger |
10-Oct-06/1:00 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT |
10-Oct-06/12:54 PM |
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I was gonna go -jesus juice. what a nightmare that would have been. guilt trip? hmmm. have to thunk on that.lose some the(s), sure. Phlebotomist, technically. Thank you.
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| Re: weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22 |
10-Oct-06/7:42 AM |
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Was this a group effort or a solo project?
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| Re: Innocence revisited by Caducus |
10-Oct-06/7:39 AM |
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The only problem I have is (spastic).
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| Re: A Scientistâs Prayer by Dovina |
10-Oct-06/7:35 AM |
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| Re: Cupid Missed Two Junkies (slightly clearer, rambling draft) by Ranger |
15-May-06/12:02 PM |
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is cukoo there for a reason or just to signify craziness. I think it may better the poem to research birds and find something that emphasizes what you are trying to say. I'm barely learning how to be specific myself so, use salt. 28
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| Re: Another quarter. by richa |
17-Apr-06/6:12 AM |
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rides (comma) sticks? and cuts/clips? thst's it for my nits.
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| Re: Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint by Ranger |
7-Apr-06/12:41 PM |
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| Re: Morning City by Jack Diamond |
7-Apr-06/11:18 AM |
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panaderia is better. but while you're getting nutty about laid, why not leid.
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| Re: Morning City by Jack Diamond |
7-Apr-06/10:27 AM |
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spitfire Mexican hellcat polka- Right on. Lays/Lies, let it slide. beaterrific
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| Re: Pastoral Care (Psalm 23 revisited) by Dovina |
3-Apr-06/2:30 PM |
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the first -within- could be replaced with a semi-colon, I think. I'm no puncuation master. The last line, remove -almost-. It will speak louder and step better. Yeah, -corn, a few. Baaaad girl.
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