Re: Miles Apart, You Say by Dovina	7-Jul-07/8:46 AM
yes, I think I'm going to let it ride.
Re: a comment on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	7-Jul-07/8:35 AM
Thank you.
Re: Lullaby by lexxie100	6-Jul-07/7:24 AM
I'm on the positive side here. Perhaps -memorie(s)- instead of night light. There's a subtle rythm in this poem.
Re: Cheers to the Eve of Christmas by lexxie100	6-Jul-07/7:18 AM
I think the first four lines could be condensed into one strong line. Mascara stains on the pillow should stay I think. -looking for the craven escape/ making the wind more bearable- is really good.
Re: Summer Loving by Christof	6-Jul-07/7:13 AM
Are you putting the -bottom of class against her heels? Raising her up, Physically and metaphorically, so to speak? It's the only thing that seems to carry no weight. I think the- Oh, bottom of class- is there without the statement.
Re: a comment on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	5-Jul-07/7:22 PM
*Sniff sniff* I smell a metaphore. In case it is not: I used to bicycle in my younger days and now I motorcycle. I am well aware of folks getting splashed with invisible tide. I do what I can to lessen the effect. I'm sorry you may have had a bad experience. I like the wheatfields. I like the sunflowers. I need a hug.
Re: a comment on (Title pending) by INTRANSIT	5-Jul-07/8:23 AM
I liked it too. for the pseudo humor of it. The pinna is outside and the cochlea is inside -deeper. I'm not totally against the rewrite but thee opener about denial had to go. It was weightless. Thanks for the comeback.
Re: a comment on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	5-Jul-07/8:10 AM
Thanks Christof. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that rewrites are totally worth the effort. Dovina ? Is there something that needs improvement ?
Re: Farewell by Skamper	4-Jul-07/7:23 AM
For some reason, I want one more couplet. I'm gonna sit with Mage on this. There's GOBS of potential here. Put it away and look at it again in a week.
Re: light [edited] by lmp	4-Jul-07/7:18 AM
Good on you for sicking with it. I know the facts, but what if you substituted a peach instead. The colors mix better. Grapefruits tend to be more defined. Not to mention it's an acidic fruit. Ah the challenge of haiku.
Re: a comment on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT	4-Jul-07/7:07 AM
You're close, Imp. I drive a truck for a living. Car hauler to be exact. The log book is literally flat, and lined. The gubment requires we "track" our work on a daily basis. This leaves a lot of room for personal things. The blue or red ink marks would be blood. Transparent links: what you feel for your spouse when away. I figured I'd tell you so you don't have to read all my old garbage to figure it out. Thanks for your time. Does it read like a list ?
Re: Nothing to See Here (Rant) by Skamper	3-Jul-07/8:17 AM
I see potential beyond the break beat. I'd like to see you work this poem. w/h vote.
Re: Consider the Grass by Dovina	3-Jul-07/8:01 AM
There's still some trimming to be done. Resilient, a lesson, can go. Possibly- efficient, as well. Like the silo as a cola can. Maybe not so much awe. Just watching, I think would be better.
Re: Immigrant by Christof	27-Jun-07/5:44 AM
HAHAHAHAHA! CHRISTOF! OUTSTANDING! Good to see you again !!
Re: The Corner Tavern by jessicazee	19-Apr-07/8:26 AM
Suggestions: Line 2 I'm in a raffle kind of mood Line 5 lose -stools go with vinyl perches 6/7 lose for. Will it go 'round in circles?
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	13-Apr-07/8:11 PM
You're a nut. Fix your weblog thingy. 6 For attempting the villanelle. 2 for not trying to go too far over your abilities. 1 for putting up with Rockmage.
Re: Eleven Reasons For Love by horus8	11-Apr-07/9:23 AM
Yo, Horus. Scramble this like eggs, lose the numeration, smatter the questions, and watch it fly.
Re: Tribeca by Dovina	11-Apr-07/8:56 AM
If you want to trim some fat, here are some Ideas. S-1 -mystery too- old architecture automatically has acertain mystery that comes with it. Perhaps a little about what this 'techture is. I really like s3'4'5, though I think you have said more than you need to. Pick your favorite lines and cut the rest. No easy task, I know. I do like this.
Re: a comment on Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT	21-Nov-06/10:26 AM
Thank you.
Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina	20-Nov-06/4:46 PM
Pomegranate berries don't just turn to juice. Are you eating them? the distant mountain (changes) canyOns. put down the gin and juice.