on Miles Apart, You Say by Dovina
7 Jul 2007, 8:46 AM
yes, I think I'm going to let it ride.
replying on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT
7 Jul 2007, 8:35 AM
Thank you.
on Cheers to the Eve of Christmas by lexxie100
6 Jul 2007, 7:18 AM
I think the first four lines could be condensed into one strong line. Mascara stains on the pillow should stay I think. -looking for the craven escape/ making the wind more bearable- is really good.
on Summer Loving by Christof
6 Jul 2007, 7:13 AM
Are you putting the -bottom of class against her heels?
Raising her up, Physically and metaphorically, so to speak? It's the only thing that seems to carry no weight. I think the- Oh, bottom of class- is there without the statement.
Raising her up, Physically and metaphorically, so to speak? It's the only thing that seems to carry no weight. I think the- Oh, bottom of class- is there without the statement.
replying on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT
5 Jul 2007, 7:22 PM
*Sniff sniff* I smell a metaphore. In case it is not: I used to bicycle in my younger days and now I motorcycle. I am well aware of folks getting splashed with invisible tide. I do what I can to lessen the effect. I'm sorry you may have had a bad experience. I like the wheatfields. I like the sunflowers. I need a hug.
replying on (Title pending) by INTRANSIT
5 Jul 2007, 8:23 AM
I liked it too. for the pseudo humor of it. The pinna is outside and the cochlea is inside -deeper. I'm not totally against the rewrite but thee opener about denial had to go. It was weightless. Thanks for the comeback.
replying on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT
5 Jul 2007, 8:10 AM
Thanks Christof. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that rewrites are totally worth the effort.
Dovina ? Is there something that needs improvement ?
Dovina ? Is there something that needs improvement ?
on light [edited] by lmp
4 Jul 2007, 7:18 AM
Good on you for sicking with it. I know the facts, but what if you substituted a peach instead. The colors mix better. Grapefruits tend to be more defined. Not to mention it's an acidic fruit. Ah the challenge of haiku.
replying on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT
4 Jul 2007, 7:07 AM
You're close, Imp. I drive a truck for a living. Car hauler to be exact. The log book is literally flat, and lined. The gubment requires we "track" our work on a daily basis. This leaves a lot of room for personal things. The blue or red ink marks would be blood. Transparent links: what you feel for your spouse when away. I figured I'd tell you so you don't have to read all my old garbage to figure it out. Thanks for your time. Does it read like a list ?
on Nothing to See Here (Rant) by Skamper
3 Jul 2007, 8:17 AM
I see potential beyond the break beat. I'd like to see you work this poem. w/h vote.
on Consider the Grass by Dovina
3 Jul 2007, 8:01 AM
There's still some trimming to be done.
Resilient, a lesson, can go.
Possibly- efficient, as well. Like the silo as a cola can.
Maybe not so much awe. Just watching, I think would be better.
Resilient, a lesson, can go.
Possibly- efficient, as well. Like the silo as a cola can.
Maybe not so much awe. Just watching, I think would be better.
on The Corner Tavern by jessicazee
19 Apr 2007, 8:26 AM
Suggestions:
Line 2 I'm in a raffle kind of mood
Line 5 lose -stools go with vinyl perches
6/7 lose for.
Will it go 'round in circles?
Line 2 I'm in a raffle kind of mood
Line 5 lose -stools go with vinyl perches
6/7 lose for.
Will it go 'round in circles?
on Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha
13 Apr 2007, 8:11 PM
You're a nut. Fix your weblog thingy. 6 For attempting the villanelle. 2 for not trying to go too far over your abilities. 1 for putting up with Rockmage.
on Eleven Reasons For Love by horus8
11 Apr 2007, 9:23 AM
Yo, Horus. Scramble this like eggs, lose the numeration, smatter the questions, and watch it fly.
If you want to trim some fat, here are some Ideas.
S-1 -mystery too- old architecture automatically has acertain mystery that comes with it. Perhaps a little about what this 'techture is.
I really like s3'4'5, though I think you have said more than you need to. Pick your favorite lines and cut the rest. No easy task, I know. I do like this.
S-1 -mystery too- old architecture automatically has acertain mystery that comes with it. Perhaps a little about what this 'techture is.
I really like s3'4'5, though I think you have said more than you need to. Pick your favorite lines and cut the rest. No easy task, I know. I do like this.
replying on Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT
21 Nov 2006, 10:26 AM
Thank you.