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Cheers to the Eve of Christmas (Other) by lexxie100
As I mourn the death of my undead mother Mascara stains my pillow Moist teardrops gather Like dew on a funeral morn Just one more wrong turn On this highway we call flesh One more judgment call To be wasted on cowards My story will become Just one more volume to Line the Fates shelves It’s a question we all must face Our destiny waiting the mind’s call Does looking for the craven escape Make the wind a little more bearable To extrapolate my tale and conform it to normalicy Would be like tearing off the wings of the vulture And stapling the grotesque sample To a wedding dove No, to reveal the heart’s crimson blood is too shallow For the dark won’t appear as chilling When you discover a candle amongst the obscurity Yet again, back to my loss For grievances make a person so They ask why I mourn while she still endures I ask what’s in a breath When her mentality becomes less Than that which one can fathom

Up the ladder: Abba
Down the ladder: Eternity

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7971
Posted: July 5, 2007 2:00 PM PDT; Last modified: July 5, 2007 2:00 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 207.119.192.70 | 5-Jul-07/2:24 PM | Reply
Better than your last one. Shows more insight that at 15-person should have. "My story will become Just one more volume to Line the Fates shelves" could be shortened or omitted. The "fate" thing is much overdone in poems, not just yours. Try to find a new twist on it. The last two lines are good.
[7] INTRANSIT @ 65.29.60.146 | 6-Jul-07/7:18 AM | Reply
I think the first four lines could be condensed into one strong line. Mascara stains on the pillow should stay I think. -looking for the craven escape/ making the wind more bearable- is really good.
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