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Feast On Me (Pimple) by cuddlytiger17 My barrierâs slowly crumbling
Vulnerability
Like armor torn by bullet holes
No longer is it a shield,
One can see straight through it
A mirror of what Iâve tried to conceal
Hacking away, pieces continue falling
A stranger is emerging
Lack of self
Lack of control
Fear of the unknown
Eating away at this thin shell
Feasting on what yet remains
Bite by bite, being devoured
Once engulfed, it will be no longer.
Up the ladder:
Paradise
Down the ladder:
Angst
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: October 8, 2004 8:14 PM PDT; Last modified: October 12, 2004 7:01 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7918 Comments:
[n/a]
Rollsoftoiletpaper @ 152.163.101.9
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10-Oct-04/7:53 AM
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Reply
What is a "pimple" anyways? I mean, what makes it different from free verse, etc.?
[n/a]
cuddlytiger17 @ 209.105.138.213
> Rollsoftoiletpaper
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10-Oct-04/5:04 PM
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Reply
a pimple is generally written by teens expressing "teen angst," and usually isn't very good. They contain very common rhymes and lack word variation.
If this were free verse I'd probably give it a 4 but since you called it a pimple I'll give you a 7.
Oh thanks for ur kindness! lol. haha.
Honest question of the day: Is a target - presumably a shooting target - really ever intended as a shield? By whom?
I meant the "barrier" as being an emotional shield, and it being torn apart as a target is. Now that I look at it though, you're right, it doesn't make much sense how I worded it...Maybe you have some suggestions as to how I could fix it? That is if you understand what I was trying to say now? Thank you.
I changed target to armor, is it any better now?
Too good for a pimple too inconsistent in quality for a poem, the idea of being feasted upon could be elaborated on sooner as the end is the strongest part but by then i lost interest.
Not bad - not good. 5
Could you elaborate a little more? What's inconsistent in quality, and are you suggesting that maybe I should omit some lines and reword others?
Much better
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