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311006 txt to russia (Free verse) by daniella i am the silent voice
that speaks to you in thunder
that rolls in on waves of vast oceans,
across deserts,
rising with tides
to unfold you in the morning.
Up the ladder:
Hollywood Is The Pits
Down the ladder:
Damaged By 'Weakness'
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Posted: October 30, 2006 10:05 PM PST; Last modified: October 30, 2006 10:05 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.4482355 Overall Rank: 2969 Comments:
[8]
half.italian @ 70.36.242.152
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31-Oct-06/3:02 AM
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Reply
I like this very much. Although the form seems to beg to be rid of line three and four, and replaced with 'rolling across deserts'. You are very close. The title sucks. I love numbers, but they are for math.
Yes, I have been spoken to by such voices. A less cryptic title might dispell criticism.
A little unsubstantial. It has a well crafted order.
I like this except for the title.
Just -Text to russia- would work. I'd go with less nature oriented scheme.
New end: You unfold me in the morning. This could see a ten easy.
i would edit it, but then lose all ur comments... so it stays as is. but thanx for the feedback!
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