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A Scientistâs Prayer

Member since 2004 · Posted 7 Oct 2006 · 12 comments

Many work at science Naming it as cause Use some higher math And cater to the boss Free my lips from half-truth And simplifying twists While striving for Your essence With hope for just a glimpse Free me from administration ruling dullards with the ax Named as scientists supreme Who serve another god Uncloud my eye from rules Free my hand from haste Let anger undue pretense And work left slack and rough Let me neither rest Nor take an undue praise While error lurks uncovered Unassaulted in the wing You coyly hide in what You make Coaxing doubt Youâre even there So, let me fathom You a dream Or Dreamer, as You wish Curios and clues are You Make me stubborn to the test Let me seek the guiding laws And find the Writerâs mind Give me strength to question Or know You without limit Make me free from rules And free from lack of doubt

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12 comments

[7] Ranger 8-Oct-06/1:41 AM Reply

'Let anger undue pretense' is off-rhythm, and I'm not sure it actually scans. There are some good lines in here ('ruling dullards with the ax' made me smile) and the first two stanzas had a nice loose rhyme scheme, but it was missing after that. I'll always say that devotional poems are incredibly difficult to write without being too personal or uninteresting. Just the very nature of them, I guess.

[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 8-Oct-06/5:14 PM Reply

If a person is angry at pretense, then perhaps that anger will undue it, off-rhythm or not. I get excited with unusual takes on devotional themes â a difference between us, I guess.

[7] Ranger › Dovina 9-Oct-06/2:22 AM Reply

I still don't get what you mean - are you using 'undue' as a verb? Sorry for being dim, I'm not on top form at the moment.

[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 9-Oct-06/4:37 PM Reply

It is I who am dim, it seems. I meant "undo." Thanks for nagging. Maybe I've caught dyslexia from Alchemy. Where is that dude anyway? Wow, I just noticed that "curios" should be "curious." (Knocks self on head)

[7] Ranger › Dovina 10-Oct-06/2:10 AM Reply

Curios works fine as it is (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=curios) not only grammatically but also because it sounds Greek - which ties in nicely with the theme.

I don't know where ALChemy is. Probably chasing his Muse, or maybe just working too hard at night.

[5] nypoet22 › Ranger 10-Oct-06/4:20 PM Reply

agreed, curios works perfectly as is, in sound and meaning.

[5] nypoet22 8-Oct-06/10:22 AM Reply

Most effective poetry i've seen has at least one of a few things: a sensory image, a thematic metaphor, a biting polemic or a clever play of sound and language. to my eye, this piece has as yet developed none of these. Look back for a moment at your racism poem, which contained all four of the above (and was successful in raising a litany of responses). Consider how you successfully did all these things in that poem, which you thus far haven't done in this one.

[n/a] Dovina › nypoet22 8-Oct-06/5:14 PM Reply

My purpose here is to write without sensory image, lacking thematic metaphor, and devoid of biting polemic or clever play of sound. My purpose, therefore, is to bore you. Having been duly bored and insulted, would you kindly go back and see if these lines make any sense.

[5] nypoet22 › Dovina 8-Oct-06/6:59 PM Reply

yes, i can tell the speaker wants to find God outside the rush and clutter of modern life; is that what you want to know? let's assume for the moment that someone does want to read this argument and might gain some meaning from it. you want to understand the source of my frustration with this piece? ask and ye shall receive:

stanza 1: yes, many people who misunderstand what science is think it explains why everything exists. who are some of these people specifically, and why should anyone care about them?

stanza 2: apparently the speaker didn't much care about who those misguided science people were either, because we cut straight to the dialogue with God, sans transition. the half-truths, simplifying twists, and manner of striving lack specific examples. do any exist?

stanza 3: it's unclear whether the speaker is part of the administration and rules over dullards, or whether dullards who rule are a description of an as-yet unnamed administration. is scientist supreme a person? a title of nobility? an ice cream flavor?

stanza 4: did you really mean "undue" (adjective) or "undo" (verb)? that line specifically doesn't make much sense as is. what sort of pretense? what sort of praise? haste doing what sort of work? carpentry? web design? tax law?

stanza 5: the article "an" sounds awkward. people give praise, not "a praise," regardless of the adjective in-between. regarding the wing, is this an angel's wing? a chicken wing? a wing of a building?

stanza 6: first two lines would be excellent, but the dreamer or the dream? i think that one's been done before.

stanza 7: please, please name me a specific curio? a clue? anything at all that might be specific to something?

stanza 8: interesting. to be free from certainty (or from lack of doubt if you like the double-negative), is exactly the essence of science, and anathema to most forms of religion. this idea would connect wonderfully to the beginning of the poem, were there some bridge in-between. barring any evidence to the contrary, a scientist must always assume the null set. unfortunately, in the case of this poem, so must i.

[n/a] Dovina › nypoet22 8-Oct-06/7:20 PM Reply

Thanks for taking the time.

[n/a] amanda_dcosta 10-Oct-06/12:41 AM Reply

D... this piece could do with some editing. Sorry for no vote as I need to read this well. Don't know when I'll get the time for that. I've just scanned through and thought it needed fixing. Am having a whale of a time in the gulf. Terribly hot though... but it's fun. Will try to check in when I can.

[7] INTRANSIT 10-Oct-06/7:35 AM Reply

Would you like my 02?