Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	24-Sep-06/7:23 PM
pleasant blankverse. the first two stanzas paint a moving, deliberate picture, and i'm waiting for the payoff, but the final strophe doesn't quite deliver. after "earthen pitch," it reads like you're trying to jam too much information into a space that won't hold it. i'm all for clever metaphors, but in this case i think you need to leave the leaping lizards and passing insects. readdress the ending more literally and bring your main idea into focus.
Re: Normality by colbaby	24-Sep-06/7:29 PM
"And I’ve lost another shoelace in this giant vat of beer." just when i was ready to write it off as a futile exercise, that line saves the poem. Normality is not grammatically incorrect, but it's generally referred to as normalcy. not that that's a good thing.
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	24-Sep-06/7:32 PM
very "hallmark card"
Re: SLIM JIM by PodPoet	24-Sep-06/8:06 PM
wait, i get it now. it's a 9/11 poem! jeez. still a little inane to conceptualize it this way... but i have to admit it's substantially more clever than i initially thought.
Re: The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	30-Sep-06/6:46 AM
very clever and almost complete. you've left out someone very important. this poem could use a self-aware addendum, an acknowledgement that the speaker himself would also probably not be missed.
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	30-Sep-06/6:52 AM
*chuckles*
Re: Untitled by PunkyPanda	30-Sep-06/7:09 AM
this seems more like outright prose than a prose poem. it's gentle and meaningful, but i'm just not sure that it carries its weight without an essay or story attached. it's a good read.
Re: Going to Michigan for the weekend by <~>	30-Sep-06/7:17 AM
how should this be read? it's really not clear until the last stanza that there are two voices at play. a little prosy in parts, but it tugs gently at a real and present conflict.
Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	3-Oct-06/7:38 PM
the heart of this poem is clever and insightful, but i think it needs a lot of work around the edges. the beginning and end read like what someone might teach in a creative writing class, while the middle, even though you're quoting someone else through most of it, feels by its cadence and arrangement like it truly contains your own voice. the last stanza to me seems unnecessary, trying to spell out details of an emotion that could easily be implied simply by reversing the order of "nailed and forgiven." likewise the first stanza weakens the poem, makes it prosaic by introducing the subject in a story format rather than just jumping right in and adding any necessary details of the setting within the body of the text.
Re: All I Can Hear Is A Rattle by colbaby	6-Oct-06/1:43 PM
first couplet ROCKS! the middle three don't go off nearly as smoothly though. ending picks up again, aided by internal rhyme as well as endrhyme. plus, social commentary clothed in vicarious self-effacement makes for an excellent closing idea. the dog under the truck and elevator that won't shut, although i understand the jokes, are just not very strong lines. edit, or maybe just eliminate those and pare the poem down to 3 stanzas to preserve the continuity? with this sort of poem, hit 'em quick and finish quick is often a good policy.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Oct-06/1:50 PM
technically very solid and coherent imagery. maybe this is a bit more literal than some readers of poetry like, but not every image needs to have five levels of meaning. this is a good effort overall, at a modest undertaking.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Oct-06/1:55 PM
this is a highly philosophical poem without any actual physical images, which unfortunately is anathema to most postmodern poetry. thus, if judged purely in imagistic terms it will clearly be found wanting. depending on your goals for this poem, i'd recommend tapping a bit more sensory imagery to give readers a meantal picture of the flow being described.
Re: A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	8-Oct-06/9:49 AM
in truth i don't think this is a particularly good poem, but i do love the way you managed to raise the ire of everyone in shouting distance and expose hypocrisy wherever it might lie. that's an enviable talent, and it's on that accomplishment i'm grading you. i'm really not against war, perhaps not even against pre-emptive war under certain circumstances, but anyone with even a nursery school education should have been able to see the probable outcome of a hastily planned, domestically motivated, essentially unilateral iraq conflict.
Re: Racism by Dovina	8-Oct-06/9:59 AM
all this furor about a little tiger and a stand-off in the street. this must read better than i thought... but i always score high for rabble-rousing. must be the rebel in me.
Re: A Scientist’s Prayer by Dovina	8-Oct-06/10:22 AM
Most effective poetry i've seen has at least one of a few things: a sensory image, a thematic metaphor, a biting polemic or a clever play of sound and language. to my eye, this piece has as yet developed none of these. Look back for a moment at your racism poem, which contained all four of the above (and was successful in raising a litany of responses). Consider how you successfully did all these things in that poem, which you thus far haven't done in this one.
Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac	9-Oct-06/10:37 PM
nice use of hexameter. almost because of the old greek form, i'd look for this to be one of a series. i like the assertion of dialect straight from the first line. i can picture the scene.
Re: Valentine by zodiac	9-Oct-06/10:50 PM
i love the story, and the order in which you tell it. due to the nature of the scene i think you should consider losing some of the words with latin roots, in favor of more of the gutteral tongue. scared instead of alarmed, dodged instead of averted. the word Irish sounds weird in places. consider "mick" - though it's a semi-slur, the sound is so much firmer. also, it would add to the mood if you could shorten the sentences, pare every syllable you can. very enjoyable read.
Re: Timing by Dovina	10-Oct-06/4:15 PM
this is inspiring. i would have liked more sensory detail about the hypothetical life you pictured, but i love the end, it's of a real person, tough and hard and ultimately free. and when the mind is free, the rest is just a matter of time...
Re: Screws by helenwales	11-Oct-06/4:25 AM
one of these years i'll visit my cousins in wales. good stuff.
Re: Retail by Wakeboarder20	12-Oct-06/5:43 PM
i like the structure. i agree with ranger about the name.