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Flood Land, East Kentucky (Free verse) by zodiac Beneath the house, old bottles that the river brung,
white horse's skull, some Yankee coins, a rusty bike.
When Noah cut his hand on it I lay with him,
my darling boy, in his room with the junk he'd found:
the glass was medicine, the coins were for his eyes,
all this from in the house, but it was not of us.
Up the ladder:
Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina)
Down the ladder:
The Dreamer
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.285714
Posted: September 11, 2006 8:45 AM PDT; Last modified: September 11, 2006 9:15 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.152606 Overall Rank: 1059 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
Dan garcia-Black @ 67.72.98.45
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11-Sep-06/9:36 AM
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Reply
"old bottles that the river brung" and "all this from in the house, but it was not of us," sucked me under the house with the rest of the junk. You really are a poet, Damn You!
Damn, you really are good. The dialect comes off as unforced and authentic (to my Yankee ear, it must be said--I guess the real test is how a Kentuckian would take it). Great details; restrained and, for that, quite moving pathos; all your usual magic. Even the meter works--alexandrines, for the most part, I guess? So much packed into such a short poem. Really well done.
This demands several reads, awesome lines and a compelling story. I suck at accents and dialects, so I'll have to assume you've got it right, but that's not a difficult assumption to justify.
Hey, hey zodiac. Good to see you back. PR's been missing you.
nice use of hexameter. almost because of the old greek form, i'd look for this to be one of a series. i like the assertion of dialect straight from the first line. i can picture the scene.
You should totally come back!!
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