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Valentine (Free verse) by zodiac
(Frank Gusenberg Refuses to Implicate His Assassins) These coppers’ concern is real enough. I should be glad of that. One of them, husky smoke-smelling Irish lad, grips me by my lapels. Who did it, Frank? and always, Who did it? Shake, shake. Something in me shifts outward, expanding. They fear I will diffuse entirely with my secrets. They photograph my brother’s brains. A beat-cop coming after spreads sawdust on the blood like loose handfuls of feed thrown by a kid farmboy, so bored, thinking of lunch or his girl waking late at The Virginia, the Del Prado, or even this 'tough' hitching breath after bubbling hitching breath. The Irish shakes again, then gentler, seeming to think although myself’s a loss the shaking might loosen the secret, spilling it out of my belly before flashbulbs and sawdust have a chance to freeze it. Frank, Frankie, he says, Tell us who... - Behind, a captain watching my face lays a hand on Irish’s shoulder, and then, alarmed then, squeezes the broadcloth, just so. I lick my lips. What could I tell them? Capone? McGurn? Four men in just such uniforms as yours? But when the truth comes out I have of course been finished by a blonde I’ve never known. And already wandering I see this farmboy’s hotel girl brushing her hair in a big mirror that’s a whole month’s wages: One hundred strokes left, then right. Her print kimono loose-tied, she might be dull or thoughtful, cadges a smoke from his pack, runs a bath, fleetingly imagines the future like a train bearing down fast. These boys’ concern is real. But I have killed myself, like all men do. And lacking even the dignity or indignity of bringing a shivering pile of guts clutched-in already cooling to you is enough without these kids who even as I die make me their hope, their trick, their crash averted. I cough. I tell 'em “No one. Nobody shot me.” I cough. I need a drink. The Irish holds me as if he's the one who's gone.

Up the ladder: Leaving the Woods House
Down the ladder: Instinct

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.818182
Weighted score: 6.909091
Overall Rank: 224
Posted: February 12, 2006 4:10 PM PST; Last modified: February 12, 2006 4:10 PM PST
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Comments:
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ 195.157.153.249 | 13-Feb-06/8:57 AM | Reply
Deuteronomy 22:28-29: "When a man comes upon a virgin who has never been engaged and grabs and rapes her and they are found out, the man who raped her has to give her father fifty pieces of silver. He has to marry her because he took advantage of her. And he can never divorce her."
[7] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.37 | 13-Feb-06/10:11 AM | Reply
Zodiac, truthfully, I didn't connect well with the poem......it's not a topic that has picked my interest.
[9] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 13-Feb-06/1:04 PM | Reply
You're Carl newman from the New Pornographers aren't you..
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.236 > wilco | 13-Feb-06/1:27 PM | Reply
You know, I actually don't know the New Pornographers except by name. If they are who I think they are, though, I like their work.
[9] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 > zodiac | 13-Feb-06/1:48 PM | Reply
Masters at pop music. The good kind.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.236 > wilco | 13-Feb-06/2:27 PM | Reply
Oh. I was talking about new porn, obviously.

Here's a question for you and ecargo: How well-known is Gusenberg/The V-Day Massacre, anyway? How do you know about him?

I have no idea what other people know about.
[10] ecargo @ 63.22.76.26 > zodiac | 13-Feb-06/2:49 PM | Reply
Well, I've seen a couple of movies about the V-Day Massacre and read a couple of books about Capone, so I knew the rough details (gangland killing, phony cops). I almost certainly couldn't have placed Gusenberg's name without any context, though. You gave enough information (title, reference, details) to make it easy to find out the details, so I did what I usually do--I Googled it. That's how I knew about the "blond alibi" and that Gusenberg was known as "Tight Lips." Easy enough to find out.
[10] ecargo @ 63.22.7.214 | 13-Feb-06/1:59 PM | Reply
Ace. What's not to like: old Tight Lips (the mug), a good tale well told. Glad you resisted the temptation of too much "tough guy" speak, the suggestion of it's just enough. This gets a little convoluted: "And lacking even the dignity or indignity of bringing
a shivering pile of guts clutched-in already
cooling to you is enough without these kids
who even as I die make me their hope,
their trick, their crash averted." Love the "and already wandering . . ."; the ("blond alibi?") dame's essential to the noir. Killer.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.236 > ecargo | 13-Feb-06/2:12 PM | Reply
I'm glad the alibi girl came through.
[10] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 | 13-Feb-06/5:40 PM | Reply
At this point the parentheticals make for a better title. I like the idea of Frank's refusal being a kind of valentine to his killers, if that's what you're after. At this point the text doesn't have that implication.

The imaging is right on; criminal, brutally seductive.

I love the girl in front of her mirror. There are few things sexier then the simple act of a young women brushing out her hair. And if she's beautiful there's little she wouldn't do for a good mirror.

the sawdust/chicken feed analogy is terrific.
i can't say why but i rather 'my lapels' be 'the lapels'.

why is 'behind' at the end of line 17 instead of the beginning of line 18?

Also 'myself's a loss'. Why didn't you say 'I'm a loss'?

'... just such uniforms...' killer assonance. 10 for that alone.

but when the truth comes... vs. 'but when the truth comes out...' Why'd you choose the latter & not the former?

'And already wandering I' is a good example of a writer documenting his thoughts instead of translating them. It took three readings befor i understood the implication. Once I got it I really liked it.

'But I have killed myself, like all men do' is the message here, in my opinion, and it's just too hidden
within the text. i think it would make a strong ending. It's the line that has the most echo.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.236 > god'swife | 13-Feb-06/6:30 PM | Reply
I DID have some idea at the start that the poem was going to have something other to do with Valentine's than the date. But there are so many obstacles: for one, I drank two beers writing this, a first for me and definite no-no; for another, Valentine's Day wasn't even a holiday then, as far as I can tell, so nix on him referencing it.

The truth is simply that I would like to relate it to Valentine's somehow. (This is the first of two planned parts, the second being about Cook dying in Hawaii, which also happened in Feb 14.) The easiest way I see to go about it is that Frank's the valentine to the Irish, the offering that reveals nothing. That's kind of where I see the guts-offering part going, but like I said, I was a little buzzed by that point. Any suggestions?
[10] ecargo @ 63.22.86.125 > zodiac | 13-Feb-06/10:03 PM | Reply
Not that it matters (because you wouldn't--and shouldn't--reference it so explicitly), but Valentine's Day, the giving of valentines on Feb 14, has been popular for a long time. (I used to collect ephemera--vintage postcards, paper, etc., and Victorian valentines were popular w/ a lot of folks.) So they would have known of the custom--and the significance of the sweetheart holiday--in all likelihood (even gangsters have to impress the dames with a little romance--initially, anyway).

GW gave you some good crit, and I think she's right that if you wanted that V-day connection, that sense of offering, it's not quite there. But I think even a single, subtle line would do it. (The reader has to be responsible for getting some of it, too.) I think it's what you tried to do in the "lacking even the dignity" line, no? But it got lost in there somewhere.
[10] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 > zodiac | 20-Feb-06/5:13 PM | Reply
There's some terrific info and photos at
http://www.myalcaponemuseum.com/id27.htm

They post a copy of a calendar from that year and the 14th is marked Valentine's day. There are several links at the top of the webpage with loads of articles and photos on the crime.

As for tying in Cook's death, again I think that line about killing ourselves like all men do is the obvious link. If you're going to persue this idea,(and I think you should)try ending the poem with a third story about how you've killed yourself(figuratively)or probably will kill yourself(literally or figuratively). Use images from the massacre and Cook's death to illustrate the auto-biographical component. That would be a great poem.

In the 30min. or so I spent researching I found out that the massacre ironically contributed to repealing prohibition. So maybe Frank's Valentine to the Irish can be that due to his death, whiskey will be legal again. It might not be easy to pull it off, but it might be worth it.
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 | 13-Feb-06/8:06 PM | Reply
You've surprised me with your choice of subject.
Speaking the mind of a real person you have no personal affiliation with? Dovina certainly has stamped her great influence on us all.
"imagines the future like a train bearing down fast." is a great line.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.236 > ALChemy | 13-Feb-06/8:34 PM | Reply
Yeah, but he's a gangster. That's hardly what I'd call a real person.

I'm pretty sure I've said this, but these are my two favorite poems of late. It's worth clicking on the link and reading both:

http://www.poems.com/twopocan.htm
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > zodiac | 13-Feb-06/9:21 PM | Reply
I like this kind of biographical poetry and I'm glad to see you do too.
[n/a] zodiac @ 209.193.9.236 > ALChemy | 13-Feb-06/8:35 PM | Reply
"imagines the future like a train bearing down fast."

Well, yeah. It was February. The worst of the Crash was about 8 months away.
[9] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 | 13-Feb-06/8:46 PM | Reply
This is so good I want you to sign the rights to the movie over to me right now. Me likey!
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 14-Feb-06/10:05 AM | Reply
I don't know the story behind it very well, but that will have to wait for another time.
This is excellent, zodiac - another triumph for you!
[5] matt door @ 65.32.138.73 | 23-Mar-06/9:15 PM | Reply
yawn
[5] matt door @ 65.34.76.56 | 31-Aug-06/7:33 PM | Reply
Read like a fucking obituary - long and painful. Your ego harms your poetry - sorry.
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.18.33.186 > matt door | 1-Sep-06/8:04 AM | Reply
Do you suffer short-term memory loss? You've already trashed this poem, owing to the fact that I trashed 'Navy Pier', owing to the fact that you'd already posted it under another name.
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.72.43.249 > zodiac | 2-Sep-06/9:24 AM | Reply
After a hiatus, new beginnings are possible. If not because actual heart-rending changes have rooted, then just because a sense of having forgotten can be forged. Combatants can pound their swords into plowshares. Bitter disputes can be archived, and constructive exchange can begin. Or not.
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.18.22.205 > Dovina | 2-Sep-06/10:09 AM | Reply
I don't want to promise that I'm back or anything.
[9] nypoet22 @ 65.10.104.91 | 9-Oct-06/10:50 PM | Reply
i love the story, and the order in which you tell it. due to the nature of the scene i think you should consider losing some of the words with latin roots, in favor of more of the gutteral tongue. scared instead of alarmed, dodged instead of averted. the word Irish sounds weird in places. consider "mick" - though it's a semi-slur, the sound is so much firmer. also, it would add to the mood if you could shorten the sentences, pare every syllable you can. very enjoyable read.
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