god'swife13 Feb 2006

At this point the parentheticals make for a better title. I like the idea of Frank's refusal being a kind of valentine to his killers, if that's what you're after. At this point the text doesn't have that implication.

The imaging is right on; criminal, brutally seductive.

I love the girl in front of her mirror. There are few things sexier then the simple act of a young women brushing out her hair. And if she's beautiful there's little she wouldn't do for a good mirror.

the sawdust/chicken feed analogy is terrific.
i can't say why but i rather 'my lapels' be 'the lapels'.

why is 'behind' at the end of line 17 instead of the beginning of line 18?

Also 'myself's a loss'. Why didn't you say 'I'm a loss'?

'... just such uniforms...' killer assonance. 10 for that alone.

but when the truth comes... vs. 'but when the truth comes out...' Why'd you choose the latter & not the former?

'And already wandering I' is a good example of a writer documenting his thoughts instead of translating them. It took three readings befor i understood the implication. Once I got it I really liked it.

'But I have killed myself, like all men do' is the message here, in my opinion, and it's just too hidden
within the text. i think it would make a strong ending. It's the line that has the most echo.