absolutely beautiful, wish i had been around when you posted it. love the interplay between musical and religious themes and the horror of the real life event.

it'd be funny if he said it's a big dinosaur that helps you with your homework :)

i wonder how many people miss the point of this. conversational tone, stripped to the bone. in its own way, this works.

squeeze what back in?

is this intended to be ironic? it's not a bad piece, but i think you may have been trying for a clearer and more biting message.

i have technical issues with this, but i can't even bring myself to voice them. it's just really sweet.

this belongs on a hallmark card. it feels like you could use some minor tweaking in the language, but for what it is, i think it's pretty good.

i have issues with the title. the imagery within the poem is mostly excellent. the line "spreads the joy" seems a bit out of place somehow, less crisp and specific than the rest.

light and whimsical in spite of the violent images.

i feel you on this. it's not always just the teens, either.

the conceit here ends with the word laptop. in my not so humble opinion, so should the poem.

the last two stanzas are already pretty clearly implied, almost a completely different poem. i think the sudden change in perspective weakens rather than strengthens.

'tis.

i like the word use and images. thirsting for a babe that sleeps in the sun's fleece, our bones become hands shaped at midnight, let dusk hatch us silver. super. this would be a nine or a ten, but the very last line seems not to fit at all.

the first line is great, but the rest lacks specifics. what behavior? kill what? drink what?

i think is among your best.

care to post an english translation?

i don't think i saw this poem's earlier versions. i like what you did with the imagery, though, much tighter than the lines SD commented on. i'm not sure i understand what you did with the seasons. it looks like the stanzas are fall-summer-spring, is the backward progression of the seasons intentional?

i'm assuming this is at least partly autobiographical. it's thought-provoking and sounds genuine, the pro and con of the post-breakup drunk text. the last time i felt like doing that texting was in its infancy and she didn't have a cell phone. when you're in the mood, i'd suggest paring down the adjectives so it hits harder and faster.

thanks for... well... nothing.

last stanza not necessary, trying to be too broad. stick with the image and stop where it stops.