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it is my turn this season (Free verse) by daniella Within these seasons that pass and come,
it is my time to love again.
My turn to open the windows and shutters
and fly open the hatches
to the rain
breaking free from the clouds.
I will walk again beneath the summer of my sun
splashed by the tide
coming home to the shore,
stain my feet with the grapes from the vine.
It is time my heart beats fire beneath another,
in a rhythm of tumbling dancing into love.
My spring has come beneath his new moon
this stream gushing from within
as my branches wrap round
riding him into the dawn.
Up the ladder:
Indian Song
Down the ladder:
Mental Escape
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Posted: May 7, 2008 7:28 PM PDT; Last modified: December 9, 2011 11:23 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.2145653 Overall Rank: 4402 Comments:
Dear Daniella: This is a lovely poem. It is so good I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
daphne dear. that is lovely. thank you i will go check out your new website!
i don't think i saw this poem's earlier versions. i like what you did with the imagery, though, much tighter than the lines SD commented on. i'm not sure i understand what you did with the seasons. it looks like the stanzas are fall-summer-spring, is the backward progression of the seasons intentional?
thank you for your thoughts. seasons are really random if we don't look at the calendar and peer deep into the soul instead.
what....WHAT....DRIVEL MY DEAR, PURE AND SIMPLE
drivel is under rated my sweet degenerate
If your heart beats fire beneath another and then you ride him into the ocean... did you switch places?
Overall I liked it. reminds me that there is another lobe to the brain - not left nor right but from the "light side" of the brain. Gotta check out Daphne's website... 314 view(s)
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my own handful of cherry red sweet wine."
I suggest:
and pluck the grapes for my own cup
of red sweet wine."
Also check punctuation, capitalize the I's, etc. Aside from all that, not bad... Think the title could be better though.