poemranker ::it is my turn this season by daniella

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Free verse № 155271

it is my turn this season

by daniella

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 May 2008 · Edited 9 Dec 2011 · 9 comments

Within these seasons that pass and come, it is my time to love again. My turn to open the windows and shutters and fly open the hatches to the rain breaking free from the clouds. I will walk again beneath the summer of my sun splashed by the tide coming home to the shore, stain my feet with the grapes from the vine. It is time my heart beats fire beneath another, in a rhythm of tumbling dancing into love. My spring has come beneath his new moon this stream gushing from within as my branches wrap round riding him into the dawn.

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mean 6.80 weighted 5.21 rank 4366 views 314 View voting details →

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9 comments

[8] SupremeDreamer 31-May-08/1:33 PM Reply
"and pluck the grapes for to drink my own cup
my own handful of cherry red sweet wine."

I suggest:

and pluck the grapes for my own cup
of red sweet wine."

Also check punctuation, capitalize the I's, etc. Aside from all that, not bad... Think the title could be better though.
[9] wDaphnew 31-Dec-11/8:46 AM Reply
Dear Daniella: This is a lovely poem. It is so good I think you should post it at my new website: http://www.newpoetryshared.proboards.com !
[n/a] daniella › wDaphnew 29-Dec-12/12:53 PM Reply
daphne dear. that is lovely. thank you i will go check out your new website!
[8] nypoet22 26-Mar-12/11:53 PM Reply
i don't think i saw this poem's earlier versions. i like what you did with the imagery, though, much tighter than the lines SD commented on. i'm not sure i understand what you did with the seasons. it looks like the stanzas are fall-summer-spring, is the backward progression of the seasons intentional?
[n/a] daniella › nypoet22 29-Dec-12/12:54 PM Reply
thank you for your thoughts. seasons are really random if we don't look at the calendar and peer deep into the soul instead.
[0] Skamper 9-Jun-12/5:17 AM Reply
what....WHAT....DRIVEL MY DEAR, PURE AND SIMPLE
[n/a] daniella › Skamper 29-Dec-12/12:52 PM Reply
drivel is under rated my sweet degenerate
[n/a] daniella › Skamper 5-Sep-14/7:33 PM Reply
get the to your place beneath the bridge, scamper down from whence you came.
[8] ARTIE 2-Jan-15/3:12 PM Reply
If your heart beats fire beneath another and then you ride him into the ocean... did you switch places?
Overall I liked it. reminds me that there is another lobe to the brain - not left nor right but from the "light side" of the brain.
Gotta check out Daphne's website...