Replying to a comment on:

it is my turn this season (Free verse) by daniella

Within these seasons that pass and come, it is my time to love again. My turn to open the windows and shutters and fly open the hatches to the rain breaking free from the clouds. I will walk again beneath the summer of my sun splashed by the tide coming home to the shore, stain my feet with the grapes from the vine. It is time my heart beats fire beneath another, in a rhythm of tumbling dancing into love. My spring has come beneath his new moon this stream gushing from within as my branches wrap round riding him into the dawn.

SupremeDreamer 31-May-08/1:33 PM
"and pluck the grapes for to drink my own cup
my own handful of cherry red sweet wine."

I suggest:

and pluck the grapes for my own cup
of red sweet wine."

Also check punctuation, capitalize the I's, etc. Aside from all that, not bad... Think the title could be better though.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001