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David & Derrick (Free verse) by TheModestKing I know I vomit when you speak,
But scoutâs honour this time,
I wonât make a squeak,
Iâve been observing your behaviour,
And as a caring neighbour,
I thought you should know: youâre weak.
Leeches squeeze less out of life than you,
At least they have purpose,
They donât kill for surplus,
They kill to survive,
You kill for the thrill,
And you drink for the thrill,
But when you think: nothing, still
Youâre turn...
Up the ladder:
it's okay to cry, idiot
Down the ladder:
Falling from grace (pt1)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Posted: May 12, 2011 8:55 PM PDT; Last modified: May 12, 2011 8:55 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9403987 Overall Rank: 9085 Comments:
[1]
nentwined @ 173.13.142.254
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6-Jun-11/6:52 PM
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Reply
sad
[n/a]
TheModestKing @ 77.107.153.187
> nentwined
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26-Jun-11/6:56 PM
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Reply
great constructive criticism!! Care to elaborate?
This poem is weak.
the first line is great, but the rest lacks specifics. what behavior? kill what? drink what?
This was quite good but something has gone wrong with the apostrophes - they come out as an a with a circumflex on top!
No such typo problems at MY website, so accept my invitation to join: http://newpoetryshared.proboards.com 187 view(s)
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