| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
All I Can Hear Is A Rattle (Free verse) by colbaby Hum goes the computer and whistle goes the kettle
Damn this bloody Viagra itâs turned my dick to metal
Entering the foyer at work my office is ten floors up
Talk about embarrassing the lift doors wouldnât shut
Whiz goes the bullet and sadly there goes my dog
Under my truck, what rotten luck, the way that I laughed was quite odd
I take a peek among my sheep and spot my favorite ewe
Itâs handy to have something like this when youâre looking for
something to screw
Moo goes the new born calf and other assorted cattle
Oftentimes I wiggle my head and all I can hear is a rattle
Up the ladder:
Contemplation
Down the ladder:
Fewer And Further In Between
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: October 5, 2006 7:06 PM PDT; Last modified: October 5, 2006 11:08 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9525743 Overall Rank: 8810 Comments:
Needs work on the flow, but amusing.
150 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
the dog under the truck and elevator that won't shut, although i understand the jokes, are just not very strong lines. edit, or maybe just eliminate those and pare the poem down to 3 stanzas to preserve the continuity? with this sort of poem, hit 'em quick and finish quick is often a good policy.