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The Mikado's Poetic List (Lyric) by Engelbert Humpalot
Verse 1 I pray some day ‘twill happen that some victims may be found, And I've got a little list — Well actually a long list Of dud poetic scribblers who might well be underground, And who never would be missed — to my mill they'd all be grist. There's the pestilential pompous bores who write at extreme length - I’d like to kill them all, O Jesus give me strength - All illiterates who make mistakes and whinge when told they’re wrong - I’d like to beat them senseless and thump them good and long - And all those weedy critics who say “what a real great write” - And who get up in arms when you say they’re talking shite - They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed. Chorus He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list; And they'll none of 'em be missed — 'cos they get us all so pissed! Verse 2 There's the armchair warriors praising brutal soldiers for their grace, And dim flag waving gits - I've got them on my list; And the people who keep praising God and rub it in your face, They never would be missed — they deserve my hefty fist. Then the blinkered redneck twits who insult, with patriotic tone, All races but the WASPS, and every nation but their own; And the cowboys from the prairie lands, who eat mom's apple pie, And who don't claim to write real good, but "would rather like to try"; And that pathetic ignoramus, the fat lady faux-linguist - I don't think she'd be missed — I'm sure she'd not he missed. Chorus He's got her on the list — he's got her on the list; And I don't think she'll be missed — I'm sure she'll not be missed! Verse 3 Another fucking nuisance, who just now is rather rife, Is the unfunny humorist — I've got him on the list. All self-appointed funny fellows, dull comics (and their wife) - They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed. And ranting self-opinionated gits of the awful know-it-all kind Such as 'What d'you call him', 'Thingummy-bob', and oh never mind, And 'So and so' and 'What's-his-name' and 'You-know-who-I-mean', To fill in all the names might be considered rather mean - But it really doesn't matter whom I put upon our list, For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed! Chorus So all Poemranker villains, everyone could make a list; And they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed

Up the ladder: Goodbye
Down the ladder: Simple Can (Relic) by Liver

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.388889
Weighted score: 6.3230195
Overall Rank: 845
Posted: September 25, 2006 10:20 AM PDT; Last modified: September 25, 2006 10:20 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Edna Sweetlove @ 85.210.195.223 | 25-Sep-06/1:17 PM | Reply
Very clever. Well done Engy!
[10] ecargo @ 63.22.67.108 | 26-Sep-06/7:00 AM | Reply
Ha! Wow--it's better than Eric Idle's updated version, even (yeah, I'm a geek and had to see how it compared to the original and otherwise). Love how you kept to the original rhyme scheme in places but utterly subverted this. I have to say--yes, I have to say it--"what a real great write." ;) Very fun. Well done.
[8] nypoet22 @ 65.2.216.112 | 30-Sep-06/6:46 AM | Reply
very clever and almost complete. you've left out someone very important. this poem could use a self-aware addendum, an acknowledgement that the speaker himself would also probably not be missed.
[8] Sing4Jesus! @ 85.210.255.126 > nypoet22 | 1-Oct-06/6:42 PM | Reply
Very satirical but God will not be mocked and U will go 2 Hell in a bobslay.
[8] Sing4Jesus! @ 85.210.255.126 > nypoet22 | 1-Oct-06/6:43 PM | Reply
[8] Sing4Jesus! @ 85.210.255.126 | 1-Oct-06/6:43 PM | Reply
You will go 2 Hell in a Bobslay
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