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The Mikado's Poetic List (Lyric) by Engelbert Humpalot
Verse 1 I pray some day ‘twill happen that some victims may be found, And I've got a little list — Well actually a long list Of dud poetic scribblers who might well be underground, And who never would be missed — to my mill they'd all be grist. There's the pestilential pompous bores who write at extreme length - I’d like to kill them all, O Jesus give me strength - All illiterates who make mistakes and whinge when told they’re wrong - I’d like to beat them senseless and thump them good and long - And all those weedy critics who say “what a real great write” - And who get up in arms when you say they’re talking shite - They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed. Chorus He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list; And they'll none of 'em be missed — 'cos they get us all so pissed! Verse 2 There's the armchair warriors praising brutal soldiers for their grace, And dim flag waving gits - I've got them on my list; And the people who keep praising God and rub it in your face, They never would be missed — they deserve my hefty fist. Then the blinkered redneck twits who insult, with patriotic tone, All races but the WASPS, and every nation but their own; And the cowboys from the prairie lands, who eat mom's apple pie, And who don't claim to write real good, but "would rather like to try"; And that pathetic ignoramus, the fat lady faux-linguist - I don't think she'd be missed — I'm sure she'd not he missed. Chorus He's got her on the list — he's got her on the list; And I don't think she'll be missed — I'm sure she'll not be missed! Verse 3 Another fucking nuisance, who just now is rather rife, Is the unfunny humorist — I've got him on the list. All self-appointed funny fellows, dull comics (and their wife) - They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed. And ranting self-opinionated gits of the awful know-it-all kind Such as 'What d'you call him', 'Thingummy-bob', and oh never mind, And 'So and so' and 'What's-his-name' and 'You-know-who-I-mean', To fill in all the names might be considered rather mean - But it really doesn't matter whom I put upon our list, For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed! Chorus So all Poemranker villains, everyone could make a list; And they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed

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