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The Mikado's Poetic List (Lyric) by Engelbert Humpalot
Verse 1
I pray some day âtwill happen that some victims may be found,
And I've got a little list â Well actually a long list
Of dud poetic scribblers who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed â to my mill they'd all be grist.
There's the pestilential pompous bores who write at extreme length -
Iâd like to kill them all, O Jesus give me strength -
All illiterates who make mistakes and whinge when told theyâre wrong -
Iâd like to beat them senseless and thump them good and long -
And all those weedy critics who say âwhat a real great writeâ -
And who get up in arms when you say theyâre talking shite -
They'd none of 'em be missed â they'd none of 'em be missed.
Chorus
He's got 'em on the list â he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed â 'cos they get us all so pissed!
Verse 2
There's the armchair warriors praising brutal soldiers for their grace,
And dim flag waving gits - I've got them on my list;
And the people who keep praising God and rub it in your face,
They never would be missed â they deserve my hefty fist.
Then the blinkered redneck twits who insult, with patriotic tone,
All races but the WASPS, and every nation but their own;
And the cowboys from the prairie lands, who eat mom's apple pie,
And who don't claim to write real good, but "would rather like to try";
And that pathetic ignoramus, the fat lady faux-linguist -
I don't think she'd be missed â I'm sure she'd not he missed.
Chorus
He's got her on the list â he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed â I'm sure she'll not be missed!
Verse 3
Another fucking nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
Is the unfunny humorist â I've got him on the list.
All self-appointed funny fellows, dull comics (and their wife) -
They'd none of 'em be missed â they'd none of 'em be missed.
And ranting self-opinionated gits of the awful know-it-all kind
Such as 'What d'you call him', 'Thingummy-bob', and oh never mind,
And 'So and so' and 'What's-his-name' and 'You-know-who-I-mean',
To fill in all the names might be considered rather mean -
But it really doesn't matter whom I put upon our list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed â they'd none of 'em be missed!
Chorus
So all Poemranker villains, everyone could make a list;
And they'd none of 'em be missed â they'd none of 'em be missed
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