Re: Bitter by Ranger	12-Oct-06/5:56 PM
absolutely beautiful. things i think could be improved: no need to title it bitter, that makes me think of beer as much as anna's ghost. For she left and wandered off would fit the rhythm better without the word me. With no road back to me should really be the last line. bitterness of the sort described is really such a selfish sentiment, ending on any word other than "me" is practically a crime. of course, this is all just basically me nitpicking. i love the poem. love it.
Re: Gilded Lily by drnick	12-Oct-06/6:01 PM
to have the word "thee" followed shortly thereafter by the word "socio-emotional" shows the inconsistency of language use here. every work has some inconsistencies, but the language and grammar of this one is really all over the place.
Re: Love Trail by D. $ Fontera	12-Oct-06/6:02 PM
awwwww. this belongs on a hallmark card.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Oct-06/6:12 PM
the last couple lines feel like they belong more in the beginning section. i also got the feel of prose from this, as if it were organized more based on convention and the order of events than on sound, rhythm, feeling or any deeper sort of meaning. i like much of the sound and language, as well as the story itself. the ordering of events just doesn't quite work for me, doesn't evoke feeling the way some poems do.
Re: My Culture (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	12-Oct-06/6:19 PM
the repetition doesn't really work for me here. when i read only the parts in each verse that come before "welcome to my culture," i like the poem a whole lot better. repetition of that sort is supposed to build you into a rhythm of some sort, and i think those parts are more of a disruption than anything else. i wish i could be more specific about what about those lines bugs me, but right now all i can say is that they make my brain itch.
Re: Soy Flat White with One by helenwales	12-Oct-06/6:22 PM
minor grammar correction: _an_ acrid smell. otherwise, i like it.
Re: October by A_Dark_Calm	12-Oct-06/6:24 PM
what's with not saying the name? otherwise lovely.
Re: Wind By Any Other Name by Edna Sweetlove	12-Oct-06/6:26 PM
there's always a market for flatulence.
Re: jo jo by oddgreenout	12-Oct-06/6:27 PM
who?
Re: The Mandarin by Caducus	12-Oct-06/6:49 PM
very nice imagery. one grammar issue though. unless there's some other reason for line 3 being the way it is, i think "It lay next to the ring I had given her," would make much more sense. The following link explains why: http://www.bartleby.com/64/C003/0192.html
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	14-Oct-06/1:27 PM
the whole event seems a bit dry and distant. as a reader i can relate, but still have trouble caring about the characters. maybe try using some present tense to add immediacy? I disagree with nick about "aware of her insignificance." Although the line tells about feelings that are meaningful, they could be better shown through body language or imagery. the last line is too much information unsupported; what comes before does not adequately suggest a reason for such an extreme result.
Re: Prologue by Dovina	22-Oct-06/8:53 PM
i'd be curious to hear this performed by actors. is it a prologue to something, or to all poetry in general?
Re: Epilogue by MacFrantic	22-Oct-06/9:09 PM
interesting. i'm not sure this stands on its own, but the end of a series... sure, why not.
Re: Tidal by helenwales	22-Oct-06/9:18 PM
not strictly haiku, but an interesting series of images nonetheless. the majority of these verses are closer to senryu (5-7-5 syllabic verse about people) than haiku (5-7-5 syllabic verse about nature). if these all really constitute one overall poem however, i would try to make your theme clearer, because i'm not seeing connection between the montage of images.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Mar-07/7:58 AM
put immature before forever, not after. and the word snared isn't right. trapped? stuck?
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Mar-07/8:02 AM
me too, me too, i want an insult poem too... I would grade this poem a 7, but for this one i decided to use your grading scale instead of mine.
Re: Deserted Shopping Carts by cheese.doodles	25-Apr-07/6:13 PM
nice hokku beginning, excellent underlying structure a-la-w.c.williams, both the beginning and ending are superb. the middle two stanzas drag a little, especially the third. try to get that same meaning in around half the words.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-May-07/9:05 AM
too true.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-May-07/9:07 AM
last line needs work.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-May-07/9:24 AM
limp got it right. middle line is from department of redundancy department. first and last are great