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Love Trail (Free verse) by D. $ Fontera Don't love with your anger
Don't love with your pain
Don't love with your fingers
Don't love with your brain
Love with your heart
And love with your glances
Love with your warmth
And love with your chances
Never change
Should love estrange
Never break
Should love mistake
Love will quarrel
Love will burn
Love will hurt
Love will turn
Look for lust
Find a mire
Look for love
Find a fire
In our eyes
Love'll see
In our souls
Love'll be
One word
One breath
One life
One death
Love
Up the ladder:
hoping
Down the ladder:
River Valley Rose
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Posted: October 12, 2006 2:15 AM PDT; Last modified: October 12, 2006 2:30 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.928861 Overall Rank: 9238 Comments:
[7]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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12-Oct-06/10:49 AM
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Reply
"Love'll we"?
[n/a]
D. $ Fontera @ 129.82.152.29
> Ranger
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12-Oct-06/1:12 PM
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Reply
Love will we/ we will love
[7]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
> D. $ Fontera
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12-Oct-06/2:06 PM
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Reply
You've gone through the entire piece without inversions, why start near the end? You could use 'Love'll see' instead, a reference back to the first line of that stanza. Or there are a million other options which don't require twisting the word order.
[n/a]
D. $ Fontera @ 129.82.152.185
> Ranger
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12-Oct-06/2:30 PM
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Reply
Good point, just a couple changes and...there, perfect.
awwwww. this belongs on a hallmark card.
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