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Love Trail (Free verse) by D. $ Fontera
Don't love with your anger Don't love with your pain Don't love with your fingers Don't love with your brain Love with your heart And love with your glances Love with your warmth And love with your chances Never change Should love estrange Never break Should love mistake Love will quarrel Love will burn Love will hurt Love will turn Look for lust Find a mire Look for love Find a fire In our eyes Love'll see In our souls Love'll be One word One breath One life One death Love

Down the ladder: My Prince

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9255
Posted: October 12, 2006 2:15 AM PDT; Last modified: October 12, 2006 2:30 PM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 12-Oct-06/10:49 AM | Reply
"Love'll we"?
[n/a] D. $ Fontera @ 129.82.152.29 > Ranger | 12-Oct-06/1:12 PM | Reply
Love will we/ we will love
[7] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > D. $ Fontera | 12-Oct-06/2:06 PM | Reply
You've gone through the entire piece without inversions, why start near the end? You could use 'Love'll see' instead, a reference back to the first line of that stanza. Or there are a million other options which don't require twisting the word order.
[n/a] D. $ Fontera @ 129.82.152.185 > Ranger | 12-Oct-06/2:30 PM | Reply
Good point, just a couple changes and...there, perfect.
[7] nypoet22 @ 72.144.83.149 | 12-Oct-06/6:02 PM | Reply
awwwww. this belongs on a hallmark card.
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