This is really great. Some of the lines need to be pulled back to make them as tense as the others: 'And just as my last shred of consciousness slips'. But I enjoy the tone and rhythm of it.

Quite nice... I'd liek top hear more about your mother. What kind of person was she? What was teh story of her life?

Nice Oriental sounding poem.

Interesting... a dense poem. It sounds to me like it wants to rhyme and have a clearer metre. Reminds me of Bagpipe music by Louis MacNeice: http://www.artofeurope.com/macneice/mac6.htm

Quite nice... sometimes the content is dictated too much by the rhyme for me. And sometimes this tells too much without showing and letting the reader work it out themselves.

Nice sentiment here. Have you thought about putting it into a rhyming form?

IWhat if you replaced teh god names with modern names? That would be unexpected.

Muscular writing! Not sure about the last line. There's a whole other story there.

Very funny!

I quite like the mirror image here. Maybe this could be a longer poem, more devloped poem though.

There is something really satisfying about the matter-of-fact statement and description here, although some of the images are a bit abstract for me like Tchaikovsky buying my wife...

This reminds me of a poem by John Ash that I think was called 'A Novel'. This feels like it could be a whole novel in one poem.

I like the repetition here, but perhaps you need to break the form - maybe write it in blank verse instead to keep a restraint as the rhymes sound a bit ding-dong if you know what I mean?

This is interesting. It reminds me of Oriental poetry - Li Po etc. I like it, but maybe it is a little sentimental at the end - Oriental poetry is often about repressed emotions and this makes it moving. Perhaps a pinch of that may help here.

A haiku is supposed to have three things:
1. A clear image
2. A clear emotion
3. A clear philosophical message

The image is not so clear to me as it seems to be two images - maybe you need to stick with the cherry image. The emotion seems to be hiding sadness with pride. But what is the philosophical message?

I must say that I like this: teh build up of character. Perhaps some words and phrases are not working hard enough, like 'carrying himslef as if on a breeze'. You could be more specific here maybe'. I would also like to have more concrete happenings described.

I like this, but I'm not sure about the nursery rhyme sing song quality of the rhyme - maybe blank verse would be a better restraint? Also I don't like the way that our heroine is left in the dark at the end. Couldn't she hit Hyde over the head with a saucepan and escape or something?

There's a great deal that I like about this poem. The form is interesting and I like how it looks on the page. Sometimes the language could work harder - e.g.hiding tears in the rain is a cliche.