Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

saving myself for marriage (Haiku) by Venus
teasing proud and high ripened cherry on its stem... broken starfish cry

Up the ladder: Ring Toss
Down the ladder: the silent storm

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 20
.. 10
.. 20
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.5555553
Weighted score: 5.2777777
Overall Rank: 3781
Posted: August 22, 2002 12:07 PM PDT; Last modified: August 22, 2002 12:44 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[n/a] gay @ 167.206.181.179 | 22-Aug-02/1:06 PM | Reply
sounds like you need a hot beef injection!
[n/a] Venus @ | 22-Aug-02/2:36 PM | Reply
as long as it's not with your bad taco meat, beef-boy.
[5] god'swife @ 209.179.210.111 | 22-Aug-02/3:00 PM | Reply
improved but still needs a little more salt, or maybe some garlic. Why is your starfish broken, exactly?
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.84 | 22-Aug-02/3:06 PM | Reply
huh. This is an odd little ditty indeed. The last line confuses me. Tell me what you are saying because the haiku does not.
[9] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 67.37.12.10 | 22-Aug-02/3:09 PM | Reply
Don't tell them Venus! If they don't get that delightful allusion already, they don't deserve to understand.
[n/a] Venus @ | 22-Aug-02/3:14 PM | Reply
This should clear things up: starfish is a cute little nickname for my... no, you're right DA, they should know what we know. But god-woman-wife, didn't I explain this to you already today?
[5] god'swife @ 209.179.210.111 | 22-Aug-02/3:17 PM | Reply
yes my dear, but why is it broken, I mean f**king it won't break anything.
[n/a] Venus @ | 22-Aug-02/3:21 PM | Reply
Without becoming overly literal here, I beg to differ. oops, looks like my dirty little secret's out... look what you've gone and made me do, god-woman-wife!!!
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.84 | 22-Aug-02/3:32 PM | Reply
Okay I get it. Sorry Dark Fuck, I do not have your superior skills of interpretation of allusions to the asshole. You must bend over and stare at that thing a lot considering a good deal of your thoughts, comments, and poems involve shit and its synonyms.
[9] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.86.113.159 | 22-Aug-02/3:59 PM | Reply
Look here, PAKI: Venus already said what the allusion was, so I clearly wasn't trying to actually prevent anyone from finding out what the allusion was to. I was merely trying some role play of a jealous child who knows something and doesn't want anyone else to know. That's because I find that sort of child incredibly amusing. Perhaps you were playing the role of a feckless, generic-beratement-generating dumbfuck! If so, good job!!
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.84 | 22-Aug-02/4:07 PM | Reply
Perhaps, DA, perhaps.
[n/a] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 23-Aug-02/2:08 AM | Reply
That's better - good and tumescent!
[8] mudskipper @ 62.254.32.5 | 23-Aug-02/8:04 PM | Reply
a woman who desires to be rhapsodized..
[n/a] ==Doylum @ 213.122.42.179 | 23-Aug-02/8:11 PM | Reply
Surely taco meat would loosen it even better. Just turn to hymen 79 and sing for all your worth. The good lord will provide - as long as your not a prody.
[9] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 67.37.12.10 | 29-Aug-02/7:31 AM | Reply
As for criticism, shouldn't it be "broken starfish cries"? You only have one, don't you? Or perhaps "broken starfish leaks".
[n/a] Venus @ | 29-Aug-02/9:41 AM | Reply
DA - I reckon 'cries' would be grammatically correct, but I just liked the short sound of 'cry' - thanks for the legitimate criticism though.
[3] limonade @ 207.179.148.168 | 30-Aug-02/10:24 PM | Reply
uh... hmm... right.
[6] Robert K Foster @ 209.68.71.126 | 20-Jun-03/5:42 AM | Reply
? I didn't know starfish ate cherries.
[7] hipster flare @ 209.68.66.187 | 29-Sep-03/10:56 AM | Reply
girls do that, so I've heard. never met any like that though.
[5] Zoe @ 172.200.8.91 | 5-Dec-05/8:12 AM | Reply
A haiku is supposed to have three things:
1. A clear image
2. A clear emotion
3. A clear philosophical message

The image is not so clear to me as it seems to be two images - maybe you need to stick with the cherry image. The emotion seems to be hiding sadness with pride. But what is the philosophical message?
218 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001