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Devil's Deal (Free verse) by kaoriliveshere
I will admit it. I stole your soul. I spread it all over the world. I don't want to give it back. Your soul is so beautiful to look at. I will tell you that your soul Is in good keeping under my pillow In the bedroom of my Mansion heart. I also made it a perment wallpaper That I super glue to the walls. If you like you can tear my walls. You can rip open my pillow. You can explore my whole home, And then blow it down with your words. I know I can't stop you. But if you do that to me You will see the true me. I won't hold back any of my actions. I will take my soul back. I will knock over your castle with one touch. I will leave your in a state of shock. You will be in the same city as me. You can take your soul back, As I take my soul back. I can tell you that I will be same. I won't let your anger affect me, But I can tell your soul won't be the same. When I was on my computer in my Mansion. I took it, and copy it into to millions of pieces. I took it,and made them each a different color. I flipped it, rotated it, and turned it inside out. I made it perfect for my purpose in life.

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Weighted score: 4.9284782
Overall Rank: 9357
Posted: July 6, 2006 6:49 AM PDT; Last modified: July 6, 2006 6:49 AM PDT
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[6] Zoe @ | 6-Jul-06/12:00 PM | Reply
Nice sentiment here. Have you thought about putting it into a rhyming form?
[n/a] kaoriliveshere @ > Zoe | 6-Jul-06/4:52 PM | Reply
I don't like rhyming my poems most of the time. My vocabulary is not that big so when I rhyme my poems sound elementry. I working on extend vocab though.
[5] Dovina @ | 6-Jul-06/4:56 PM | Reply
I agree with Zoe. This would go over better with constant rhythm and possibly rhyme. Also, the grammar is wrong in some places. It's the kind of theme that needs a haunting rhythm.
[7] ecargo @ | 10-Jul-06/8:59 AM | Reply
I like this, especially the ending. Don't think it needs to rhyme, really, or even find a rhythm--I think the imagery is good and sustained and it works as free verse. I would suggest condensing a little here and there--all of the "I wills" for example (e.g., I will take my soul back/knock over your castle with one touch. I will leave you in a state of shock.)--it gets a little long/repetitive. Nice work.
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