ecargo10 Jul 2006

I like this, especially the ending. Don't think it needs to rhyme, really, or even find a rhythm--I think the imagery is good and sustained and it works as free verse. I would suggest condensing a little here and there--all of the "I wills" for example (e.g., I will take my soul back/knock over your castle with one touch. I will leave you in a state of shock.)--it gets a little long/repetitive. Nice work.