The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted

Member since 2002 · Posted 4 Feb 2003 · Edited 18 Mar 2003 · 17 comments

Our lost hiker pines For what he lost with no thoughts For what he still has The moon's beauty is Lost to him as he mourns the Final loss of light By dawn it will be Over for him yet he wants What's already gone Come dawn his eyes will Forever have closed yet He still ignores the stars' light He has reason to Wish for the warmth of the sun Yet denies bird songs And thus is the way A lonely man turns away Your offers of love

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17 comments

[9] brazen 4-Feb-03/2:50 PM Reply

i didn't even realize that these were all seperate haikus...i should really start paying attention to...eh, huh?

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › brazen 4-Feb-03/3:00 PM Reply

Honestly I'm not sure. Each stanza is a 5-7-5 but it's all meant to be read together. I don't know if each one is a Haiku or if the whole thing collectively is a Haiku. I just wrote the thing. :P

[9] Shardik › OneFingerAnswer 18-Mar-03/9:57 PM Reply

each stanza is a haiku. The whole thing is meant to be read together, or it can be torn appart and used in other manuscripts or works of your writing etc. At least that's why i do mine that way. It's a poem built out of haiku, see, that wasn't so hard was it mr. Author?

[9] Ranger 5-Feb-03/12:28 PM Reply

Wonderful, this rocks.

[8] horus8 11-Feb-03/7:08 PM Reply

Birds go chirpe.

[0] razorgrin 13-Feb-03/12:52 PM Reply

Chirpe, indeede. Trying to be meaningful and deep, but comes out like a puddle of hedgehog piss. Fail.

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › razorgrin 13-Feb-03/8:32 PM Reply

Nothing like a vengeful person hell bent on destroying you for offering help. Let it stand no as known fact that I will ignore you because nothing you are saying is making sense nor do you bother trying to understand anything.

[0] razorgrin › OneFingerAnswer 13-Feb-03/8:40 PM Reply

your 'help' was idiotic. what doesn't make sense about this poeme being slush?

[7] god'swife 13-Feb-03/11:40 PM Reply

You are a writer no doubt. Stupid boy, believing you could change even one thing. They will laugh at you, naive and idealistic. This is not so much a man's world, as a cynic's. Good dear boy, speak, and I shall listen. There are many things expressed here which are beyond the comprehension of fools. Pay no attention to the half-wits. Speak your speak. Bang your fists against the keys, I'm listening.

[7] god'swife › god'swife 13-Feb-03/11:49 PM Reply

By the way, "The Beauty Of His Last Night Wasted"
Nothing can follow that. Leave it be.

[3] Robert K Foster 7-Mar-03/10:14 AM Reply

this really dosn't say anything.

[6] hipster flare 13-Mar-03/9:52 AM Reply

work out redundancies...

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › hipster flare 18-Mar-03/8:11 PM Reply

Mind if I ask where those would be?

[6] hipster flare › OneFingerAnswer 21-Mar-03/5:59 AM Reply

Apparetnly I am in some sort of a minority here suggesting some revision, but the redundancies in the first few haiku with "lost" rpeated and "loss" being so similar I figured you could probably come up with something fresher...same with "dawn".

[n/a] OneFingerAnswer › hipster flare 21-Mar-03/10:43 AM Reply

Thanks. I'll look at that. I wasn't trying to be a smartass. I welcome comments like yours.

[9] Shardik 18-Mar-03/9:59 PM Reply

weren't we suppose to discuss something? try jeremi_handrinos@yahoo.com

[7] Zoe 5-Dec-05/8:08 AM Reply

This is interesting. It reminds me of Oriental poetry - Li Po etc. I like it, but maybe it is a little sentimental at the end - Oriental poetry is often about repressed emotions and this makes it moving. Perhaps a pinch of that may help here.