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The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted (Haiku) by OneFingerAnswer Our lost hiker pines
For what he lost with no thoughts
For what he still has
The moon's beauty is
Lost to him as he mourns the
Final loss of light
By dawn it will be
Over for him yet he wants
What's already gone
Come dawn his eyes will
Forever have closed yet
He still ignores the stars' light
He has reason to
Wish for the warmth of the sun
Yet denies bird songs
And thus is the way
A lonely man turns away
Your offers of love
Up the ladder:
Grampa's Proverb
Down the ladder:
Date Rape Gang Bang
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 2.6666667
Posted: February 4, 2003 2:27 PM PST; Last modified: March 18, 2003 8:15 PM PSTWeighted score: 3.8333333 Overall Rank: 13478 Comments:
[9]
brazen @ 68.84.225.163
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4-Feb-03/2:50 PM
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i didn't even realize that these were all seperate haikus...i should really start paying attention to...eh, huh?
[n/a]
OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5
> brazen
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4-Feb-03/3:00 PM
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Honestly I'm not sure. Each stanza is a 5-7-5 but it's all meant to be read together. I don't know if each one is a Haiku or if the whole thing collectively is a Haiku. I just wrote the thing. :P
[9]
Shardik @ 24.126.113.154
> OneFingerAnswer
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18-Mar-03/9:57 PM
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each stanza is a haiku. The whole thing is meant to be read together, or it can be torn appart and used in other manuscripts or works of your writing etc. At least that's why i do mine that way. It's a poem built out of haiku, see, that wasn't so hard was it mr. Author?
Wonderful, this rocks.
Birds go chirpe.
Chirpe, indeede. Trying to be meaningful and deep, but comes out like a puddle of hedgehog piss. Fail.
Nothing like a vengeful person hell bent on destroying you for offering help. Let it stand no as known fact that I will ignore you because nothing you are saying is making sense nor do you bother trying to understand anything.
your 'help' was idiotic. what doesn't make sense about this poeme being slush?
You are a writer no doubt. Stupid boy, believing you could change even one thing. They will laugh at you, naive and idealistic. This is not so much a man's world, as a cynic's. Good dear boy, speak, and I shall listen. There are many things expressed here which are beyond the comprehension of fools. Pay no attention to the half-wits. Speak your speak. Bang your fists against the keys, I'm listening.
By the way, "The Beauty Of His Last Night Wasted"
Nothing can follow that. Leave it be.
this really dosn't say anything.
work out redundancies...
Mind if I ask where those would be?
Apparetnly I am in some sort of a minority here suggesting some revision, but the redundancies in the first few haiku with "lost" rpeated and "loss" being so similar I figured you could probably come up with something fresher...same with "dawn".
Thanks. I'll look at that. I wasn't trying to be a smartass. I welcome comments like yours.
weren't we suppose to discuss something? try jeremi_handrinos@yahoo.com
This is interesting. It reminds me of Oriental poetry - Li Po etc. I like it, but maybe it is a little sentimental at the end - Oriental poetry is often about repressed emotions and this makes it moving. Perhaps a pinch of that may help here.
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