Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted (Haiku) by OneFingerAnswer
Our lost hiker pines For what he lost with no thoughts For what he still has The moon's beauty is Lost to him as he mourns the Final loss of light By dawn it will be Over for him yet he wants What's already gone Come dawn his eyes will Forever have closed yet He still ignores the stars' light He has reason to Wish for the warmth of the sun Yet denies bird songs And thus is the way A lonely man turns away Your offers of love

Up the ladder: Grampa's Proverb
Down the ladder: Date Rape Gang Bang

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 40

Arithmetic Mean: 2.6666667
Weighted score: 3.8333333
Overall Rank: 13473
Posted: February 4, 2003 2:27 PM PST; Last modified: March 18, 2003 8:15 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[9] brazen @ 68.84.225.163 | 4-Feb-03/2:50 PM | Reply
i didn't even realize that these were all seperate haikus...i should really start paying attention to...eh, huh?
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 > brazen | 4-Feb-03/3:00 PM | Reply
Honestly I'm not sure. Each stanza is a 5-7-5 but it's all meant to be read together. I don't know if each one is a Haiku or if the whole thing collectively is a Haiku. I just wrote the thing. :P
[9] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 > OneFingerAnswer | 18-Mar-03/9:57 PM | Reply
each stanza is a haiku. The whole thing is meant to be read together, or it can be torn appart and used in other manuscripts or works of your writing etc. At least that's why i do mine that way. It's a poem built out of haiku, see, that wasn't so hard was it mr. Author?
[9] Ranger @ 212.67.106.117 | 5-Feb-03/12:28 PM | Reply
Wonderful, this rocks.
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 11-Feb-03/7:08 PM | Reply
Birds go chirpe.
[0] razorgrin @ 192.197.142.53 | 13-Feb-03/12:52 PM | Reply
Chirpe, indeede. Trying to be meaningful and deep, but comes out like a puddle of hedgehog piss. Fail.
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 > razorgrin | 13-Feb-03/8:32 PM | Reply
Nothing like a vengeful person hell bent on destroying you for offering help. Let it stand no as known fact that I will ignore you because nothing you are saying is making sense nor do you bother trying to understand anything.
[0] razorgrin @ 142.166.250.207 > OneFingerAnswer | 13-Feb-03/8:40 PM | Reply
your 'help' was idiotic. what doesn't make sense about this poeme being slush?
[7] god'swife @ 209.179.211.190 | 13-Feb-03/11:40 PM | Reply
You are a writer no doubt. Stupid boy, believing you could change even one thing. They will laugh at you, naive and idealistic. This is not so much a man's world, as a cynic's. Good dear boy, speak, and I shall listen. There are many things expressed here which are beyond the comprehension of fools. Pay no attention to the half-wits. Speak your speak. Bang your fists against the keys, I'm listening.
[7] god'swife @ 209.179.211.190 > god'swife | 13-Feb-03/11:49 PM | Reply
By the way, "The Beauty Of His Last Night Wasted"
Nothing can follow that. Leave it be.
[3] Robert K Foster @ 209.68.67.7 | 7-Mar-03/10:14 AM | Reply
this really dosn't say anything.
[6] hipster flare @ 209.68.67.7 | 13-Mar-03/9:52 AM | Reply
work out redundancies...
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > hipster flare | 18-Mar-03/8:11 PM | Reply
Mind if I ask where those would be?
[6] hipster flare @ 209.68.66.2 > OneFingerAnswer | 21-Mar-03/5:59 AM | Reply
Apparetnly I am in some sort of a minority here suggesting some revision, but the redundancies in the first few haiku with "lost" rpeated and "loss" being so similar I figured you could probably come up with something fresher...same with "dawn".
[n/a] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.3 > hipster flare | 21-Mar-03/10:43 AM | Reply
Thanks. I'll look at that. I wasn't trying to be a smartass. I welcome comments like yours.
[9] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 18-Mar-03/9:59 PM | Reply
weren't we suppose to discuss something? try jeremi_handrinos@yahoo.com
[7] Zoe @ 172.200.8.91 | 5-Dec-05/8:08 AM | Reply
This is interesting. It reminds me of Oriental poetry - Li Po etc. I like it, but maybe it is a little sentimental at the end - Oriental poetry is often about repressed emotions and this makes it moving. Perhaps a pinch of that may help here.
269 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001