Aside from the massacre of the word phoenix, the syllable count is wrong.
Still not bad.
How about:
"when man uses flame
to kill a phoenix, he makes
his own enemy"
or
"a new enemy"
Either way. Unless you don't care that it's not a Haiku, in which case, it's cool.
Home-made I presume. Such expense ingredients for an undergrad. Care to swap recipes? I have make a mince-meat pie people just 'die' for, if you get my meaning...
Hey OneFinger, what if he uses a gun, knife, poison, etc. Does the bird still come out of it singing?
just logged on again to see what people have said, i'll keep on logging on and logging on and logging on and logging on and logging on logging on and logging on and logging on and logging on and logging on, de you get it yet?
a) Let's see. Can we read? I already said I tried editing it. Thank you anyway. b) Why give you a book of proverbs you don't understand? If I put it in that book you still wouldn't get the point. c) Rank how you want.
if you tried to edit it, you failed miserably.(b),that is the most shab-ass grade school attempt at a comeback I've ever read. worse than the rubber/glue thing. The poeme is bad. face it. last, I will continue to rank how I choose, sir.
21 comments
Still not bad.
How about:
"when man uses flame
to kill a phoenix, he makes
his own enemy"
or
"a new enemy"
Either way. Unless you don't care that it's not a Haiku, in which case, it's cool.
the rest is complimentable.
I don't count Romaplegicromcocking bumwagon driver.
Hey OneFinger, what if he uses a gun, knife, poison, etc. Does the bird still come out of it singing?
In his shaving vest
Grandfather is more than old:
He's a lunatic.
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