on Royal Blades by Dovina
26 Oct 2006, 11:13 AM
Muscular writing! Not sure about the last line. There's a whole other story there.
on I think I'm forgetting it now. by FreeFormFixation
20 Jul 2006, 2:00 AM
This is really great. Some of the lines need to be pulled back to make them as tense as the others: 'And just as my last shred of consciousness slips'. But I enjoy the tone and rhythm of it.
on Sunny Day Gone (In Lovng Memory of My Mother) by fallen_rose
10 Jul 2006, 4:19 AM
Quite nice... I'd liek top hear more about your mother. What kind of person was she? What was teh story of her life?
on Broken Promise by VintageLove08
10 Jul 2006, 4:18 AM
Quite nice... sometimes the content is dictated too much by the rhyme for me. And sometimes this tells too much without showing and letting the reader work it out themselves.
on wet/dry dreams/eyes by FreeFormFixation
10 Jul 2006, 4:16 AM
Interesting... a dense poem. It sounds to me like it wants to rhyme and have a clearer metre. Reminds me of Bagpipe music by Louis MacNeice: http://www.artofeurope.com/macneice/mac6
on That Shade by Enkidu
10 Jul 2006, 4:13 AM
Nice Oriental sounding poem.
replying on Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe
7 Jul 2006, 9:00 AM
OK fair enough thanks.
replying on Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe
7 Jul 2006, 9:00 AM
Thanks I'll look over the stanzas you mention and try to improve.
Maybe something like:
To stretch above and yawn to wry brook-beds,
is really watching him close.
The bats squeal evening and night:
always the flapping wings.
Maybe something like:
To stretch above and yawn to wry brook-beds,
is really watching him close.
The bats squeal evening and night:
always the flapping wings.
on Devil's Deal by kaoriliveshere
6 Jul 2006, 12:00 PM
Nice sentiment here. Have you thought about putting it into a rhyming form?
replying on Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe
6 Jul 2006, 5:45 AM
Thanks so much. I said other because I don't think that it really is free verse, more like syllabics - perhaps we should get a category for that kind of poetry?
replying on Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe
6 Jul 2006, 4:28 AM
Thanks all for your interesting comments. I was wondering if I should leave out the Welsh translation entirely. Then it would just be a puzzle?
on Background Noise by Plaidypus
5 Jul 2006, 5:19 AM
This reminds me of a poem by John Ash that I think was called 'A Novel'. This feels like it could be a whole novel in one poem.
on Prelude to Infidelity (edited) by Caducus
5 Jul 2006, 5:14 AM
There is something really satisfying about the matter-of-fact statement and description here, although some of the images are a bit abstract for me like Tchaikovsky buying my wife...
on An Invitation From Poetry.com by scitz
5 Jul 2006, 5:10 AM
Very funny!
replying on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe
7 Dec 2005, 3:28 AM
Yes you are right. I can be a bit relaxed when describing the form of a poem. Like describing a fourteen liner without rhyme as a sonnet!
replying on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe
7 Dec 2005, 3:27 AM
I'm about to start reading Zadie Smith's new book. I am not sure if I am going to like it, but I guess I should read it and find out. I also have the Booker Prize Winner to read - John Banville's The Sea.
replying on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe
6 Dec 2005, 10:31 AM
Not at the moment unfortunately. The church sounds wonderful, but didn't spend much tiem around Puebla. More Oaxaca and Chiapas way.
replying on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe
6 Dec 2005, 6:02 AM
Wow, I like your poem. It reminds me of a game that I used to play at my grandmother's house when I was a kid - she had a small statue of Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson standing over a dead body - weird I know - and underneath was the caption 'Are we too late Watson?'. I sed to enjoy putting teh words back to front etc etc:
Too late Watson are we
Too late Watson we are
we too late are Watson
Are late too Watson we
etc. etc.
Too late Watson are we
Too late Watson we are
we too late are Watson
Are late too Watson we
etc. etc.
on Gloria's Falling Sun by OneFingerAnswer
6 Dec 2005, 5:55 AM
I like this, but I'm not sure about the nursery rhyme sing song quality of the rhyme - maybe blank verse would be a better restraint? Also I don't like the way that our heroine is left in the dark at the end. Couldn't she hit Hyde over the head with a saucepan and escape or something?
replying on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe
6 Dec 2005, 5:52 AM
That's funny. I'll remember not to do that next time.