| Re: Royal Blades by Dovina |
26-Oct-06/11:13 AM |
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Muscular writing! Not sure about the last line. There's a whole other story there.
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| Re: I think I'm forgetting it now. by FreeFormFixation |
20-Jul-06/2:00 AM |
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This is really great. Some of the lines need to be pulled back to make them as tense as the others: 'And just as my last shred of consciousness slips'. But I enjoy the tone and rhythm of it.
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| Re: Sunny Day Gone (In Lovng Memory of My Mother) by fallen_rose |
10-Jul-06/4:19 AM |
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Quite nice... I'd liek top hear more about your mother. What kind of person was she? What was teh story of her life?
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| Re: Broken Promise by VintageLove08 |
10-Jul-06/4:18 AM |
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Quite nice... sometimes the content is dictated too much by the rhyme for me. And sometimes this tells too much without showing and letting the reader work it out themselves.
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| Re: wet/dry dreams/eyes by FreeFormFixation |
10-Jul-06/4:16 AM |
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| Re: That Shade by Enkidu |
10-Jul-06/4:13 AM |
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Nice Oriental sounding poem.
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| Re: a comment on Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe |
7-Jul-06/9:00 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe |
7-Jul-06/9:00 AM |
Thanks I'll look over the stanzas you mention and try to improve.
Maybe something like:
To stretch above and yawn to wry brook-beds,
is really watching him close.
The bats squeal evening and night:
always the flapping wings.
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| Re: Devil's Deal by kaoriliveshere |
6-Jul-06/12:00 PM |
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Nice sentiment here. Have you thought about putting it into a rhyming form?
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| Re: a comment on Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe |
6-Jul-06/5:45 AM |
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Thanks so much. I said other because I don't think that it really is free verse, more like syllabics - perhaps we should get a category for that kind of poetry?
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| Re: a comment on Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe |
6-Jul-06/4:28 AM |
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Thanks all for your interesting comments. I was wondering if I should leave out the Welsh translation entirely. Then it would just be a puzzle?
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| Re: Background Noise by Plaidypus |
5-Jul-06/5:19 AM |
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This reminds me of a poem by John Ash that I think was called 'A Novel'. This feels like it could be a whole novel in one poem.
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| Re: Prelude to Infidelity (edited) by Caducus |
5-Jul-06/5:14 AM |
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There is something really satisfying about the matter-of-fact statement and description here, although some of the images are a bit abstract for me like Tchaikovsky buying my wife...
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| Re: An Invitation From Poetry.com by scitz |
5-Jul-06/5:10 AM |
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| Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe |
7-Dec-05/3:28 AM |
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Yes you are right. I can be a bit relaxed when describing the form of a poem. Like describing a fourteen liner without rhyme as a sonnet!
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| Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe |
7-Dec-05/3:27 AM |
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I'm about to start reading Zadie Smith's new book. I am not sure if I am going to like it, but I guess I should read it and find out. I also have the Booker Prize Winner to read - John Banville's The Sea.
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| Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe |
6-Dec-05/10:31 AM |
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Not at the moment unfortunately. The church sounds wonderful, but didn't spend much tiem around Puebla. More Oaxaca and Chiapas way.
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| Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe |
6-Dec-05/6:02 AM |
Wow, I like your poem. It reminds me of a game that I used to play at my grandmother's house when I was a kid - she had a small statue of Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson standing over a dead body - weird I know - and underneath was the caption 'Are we too late Watson?'. I sed to enjoy putting teh words back to front etc etc:
Too late Watson are we
Too late Watson we are
we too late are Watson
Are late too Watson we
etc. etc.
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| Re: Gloria's Falling Sun by OneFingerAnswer |
6-Dec-05/5:55 AM |
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I like this, but I'm not sure about the nursery rhyme sing song quality of the rhyme - maybe blank verse would be a better restraint? Also I don't like the way that our heroine is left in the dark at the end. Couldn't she hit Hyde over the head with a saucepan and escape or something?
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| Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe |
6-Dec-05/5:52 AM |
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That's funny. I'll remember not to do that next time.
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