Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	6-Dec-05/5:50 AM
Well I thought that it suited this poem as I was writing in a sequence of poems based on tarot symbols and the first one was The Fool. Also the poem is about a foolish person who invests all their happiness in another person and so is disappointed.
Re: ... in the Rain by Numen	6-Dec-05/5:46 AM
There's a great deal that I like about this poem. The form is interesting and I like how it looks on the page. Sometimes the language could work harder - e.g.hiding tears in the rain is a cliche.
Re: Charm by OneFingerAnswer	6-Dec-05/5:43 AM
I must say that I like this: teh build up of character. Perhaps some words and phrases are not working hard enough, like 'carrying himslef as if on a breeze'. You could be more specific here maybe'. I would also like to have more concrete happenings described.
Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	6-Dec-05/5:37 AM
Sorry I never know whether to capitalize or not but if there's a thing about it rould here I won't. I guess I use them because I often use epigraphs and funny little bits of info at teh beginning of poems so I use caps to make it look less messy.
Re: a comment on YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	6-Dec-05/5:33 AM
Yes that's right. I came across the paradelle recently. I really like the repetition and how something comes to new meaning by being repeated. Maybe it is a bit long, but what should I cut?
Re: saving myself for marriage by Venus	5-Dec-05/8:12 AM
A haiku is supposed to have three things: 1. A clear image 2. A clear emotion 3. A clear philosophical message The image is not so clear to me as it seems to be two images - maybe you need to stick with the cherry image. The emotion seems to be hiding sadness with pride. But what is the philosophical message?
Re: The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted by OneFingerAnswer	5-Dec-05/8:08 AM
This is interesting. It reminds me of Oriental poetry - Li Po etc. I like it, but maybe it is a little sentimental at the end - Oriental poetry is often about repressed emotions and this makes it moving. Perhaps a pinch of that may help here.
Re: The Search by OneFingerAnswer	5-Dec-05/8:06 AM
I like the repetition here, but perhaps you need to break the form - maybe write it in blank verse instead to keep a restraint as the rhymes sound a bit ding-dong if you know what I mean?
Re: a comment on The Long-Tailed Bird by Zoe	5-Dec-05/8:03 AM
This is interesting. I guess I hadn't thought about making the senetences sound old in this way. I'll have a think.
Re: a comment on The Long-Tailed Bird by Zoe	5-Dec-05/8:02 AM
Thnaks for this. It's very useful. I tend to assume that people are going to follow along with me and forget about explanantions, but I think that you may be right. Thanks again! I'll think about what you said.