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... in the Rain (Free verse) by Numen
Years ago, I remember dancing in the rain We couldn't afford to get sick And we knew we'd be chilled to the bone But the stress was built up inside Too much talk about life How things were going to be Who was going to be where I remember what little hair you had Pasted to your head Holding the water as if just to prove it was still there Just like I was holding onto what life I had left I knew that you'd be moving on You thought the same of me You had LA and friends I had college and bars I remember the water escaping anyway I could see it pour down your face But even if you watched the hair closely You never could have seen any change The things I was about to lose Stood there so static and proud What you were about to give up Hid tears behind drops of rain I remember watching you walk in the door And the water as you shook it off Scattering the drops as they hit the wall or the floor I remember standing behind as you walked off Leaving the messy drops to dry themselves I never did dry And so, I still dance in the rain


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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Weighted score: 5.4482355
Overall Rank: 2959
Posted: May 26, 2004 1:50 AM PDT; Last modified: May 26, 2004 1:50 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] Zoe @ 172.214.160.179 | 6-Dec-05/5:46 AM | Reply
There's a great deal that I like about this poem. The form is interesting and I like how it looks on the page. Sometimes the language could work harder - e.g.hiding tears in the rain is a cliche.
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