Re: Interstellar Planetary Escape Plan by drnick	3-Aug-05/12:52 AM
I LOVE the last 4 lines! (Lines 5-8 have a good cadence/rythm, as do the last four lines)
Re: a comment on What?! by drnick	3-Aug-05/12:20 AM
Whoa, drnick...why have the choice of we never choose, indeed!>I said INDEED! as in I agree! I understood, completely what you were saying in this piece, and agree that apathy is our worst (worse?!) disease! Then I proceeded to think aloud...that is all! (my brain went something like...'but then again, is it not also true that doing nothing is in fact something, as that nothing has an effect, sometimes...and silence, that says volumes, sometimes, and sometimes we create an ill effect with our silence... and we do Something most nasty to ourselves, if we stay silent when we want to scream...') Just my analytical mind strolling along! I did not rip this piece apart, and did not mean anything remotely close to that! I gave you a 7! (and I am not a generous voter!)I like alot about this poem, there are some great lines> the last line, obviously; and then 'Drinking dreams we throw them up' ( graphically and symbolically cool) 'I can't feel for you I'm sick of love', also cool; (could have been the obvious meaning, but also> to be sick OF love, because of love, because of wrong love, bad love, no love...I think all sickness of head and heart starts with "sick of love" (or from), so I liked this line, no matter your original intent of meaning) and this piece has a strange but kinda cool cadence. (although I like it, the 'love' line actually breaks the cadence, but that made me stop to think about the meaning that could have, like a forced pause would have.(One spelling error> dont> don't). NOW...I wouldn't call that 'tearing it apart'; and the first comment wasn't either! Now quit being a moody artiste' and get back to writing! *wink*...off to find the new one you post....
Re: What?! by drnick	31-Jul-05/11:30 PM
Reads well if read rather fast...why have the choice of we never choose, indeed! Doing nothing IS doing something...it is a choice, and feeds some thing or another, some side or another, promotes one thing or another...as does silence! (Especially when you want to scream!)
Re: a comment on The Worst Poem Ever Created (edited) by drnick	31-Jul-05/10:04 PM
Not sad! It means you get invited to come click glasses with the chosen few! (LOL) I have always found it ironic that my very favorite poems just kinda roll out, and usually are better left un-messed with, and usually take just as long as it takes my hand to scribble it onto paper! The more I work and rework, the worse they become. If it doesn't flow, I know to just put it away, or throw it away, or add it to the scraps that can later be looked at to catapult me into a writing frenzy! LOL! (I DO mess around with my puncuation...ugh! I DO need to find a miniature editor/English-teacher to sit on my shoulder!)
Re: a comment on This Just In... by drnick	31-Jul-05/9:57 PM
I have seen the news...thanks...and I would suggest BBC and news from country other than the USA. You would think with free speech and free press we could actually get a clear picture of what is going on in the world. Politics has its hands in everything. Distractions sent over the airwaves, to keep us from troubling ourselves with the rest of the world. *(Rant, rant)Okay, that said...I bet you could do a better job of saying what you are trying to say in your poem.
Re: a comment on Then what is the sleeve? by T. Jonathron Remp	31-Jul-05/9:50 PM
Most amused...I give your reply a 9! (and how can you write with such eloquence, as this comment shows, and yet I find no hint of such within your posted poem?!) I think I will make a point of investigating your other stuff, snooping in the far corners, so to speak...surely you've something to say, somewhere. I expect to be pleasantly suprised...
Re: End of Me by sonawrote	31-Jul-05/8:03 AM
I am going to take the time, because I really like this one, so full of truths, and so naked you bore yourself. I use to> I used to (corrected), the sparse use of commas needs fixing. It needs many commas, (end of line 2)and periods at the ends of sentences. "be held in your arms(.)" 'your quirky laugh'(.) or (;) 'love, that we once shared'> take out the comma. 'and wish you understood how deep it was'> and wished you understood...and wish you could have understood (?)...needs a change here. The use of 'became' became monotonous, consider mixing in some other words in place of 'became'. ("I used to" did not get on my nerves with its repeated use, but maybe you could use other words in some places of its use, as well.> "I once" or "Once, I" "In time's past") "and now, here you were"> now says now, so should be "and now, here you are", or change, to> "and then, there you were" I was so desperate, not to give up all those years > I was so desperate to not give up all those years. (take out the comma.) became bitterness, and I feel alone> became/felt or becomes/ feel. Drug became his mistress...get rid of "her" or him, or you will be the next casualty. (And maybe losing you will be the push he needs to get the help he needs, and Maybe, somewhere down the road, he will find his way back to himself...and you. Maybe then you won't want to devote the time to him, maybe you will. Take care of you...if you don't, who will? And if not for yourself, then for your child.)I gave you an 8 for content.
Re: you can't find me by daggatolar	31-Jul-05/7:26 AM
Check this over for spelling. I understand not using punctuation rather than using it in the wrong way...but this needs puntuaction to clear it up. "and i am not anything, the love you gave me once" work on the places where you break...a break was not called for here. Work on the format. I like some of the runs of thought and wording...with some work this would be a good piece.
Re: This Just In... by drnick	31-Jul-05/7:21 AM
Expierience would say to use spell checker before posting...(just a hint!) Needs a comma after blood. A period ofter tears. That said...I just don't see the point of this one. "It's a dark world, or is it? Can reality be so explicit?" <could be cut out, without any ill effects.
Re: The Shape of Shadows by MacFrantic	31-Jul-05/7:16 AM
This is the first lyrics posting that I actually kind of liked!
Re: If you're done, I'd like my Battle Axe please by D. $ Fontera	31-Jul-05/7:13 AM
I love this...I think I would change "I would most appreciate it If you considered returning" to 'if you'd consider returning'. and "before you get it back to me" perhaps would change 'get' to 'give', or 'return it to me?'
Re: Amputation by Enkidu	31-Jul-05/7:09 AM
Giggled at this one!
Re: Child Shaped Adult by http://mulberryfairy	31-Jul-05/7:07 AM
I liked this one! Th ending was kind of unexpected and abrupt, though.
Re: BY ALL YOUR HEART by prettyktm	31-Jul-05/7:03 AM
too keep> to keep Coz> 'cause Do you love me like I do> implies, Do you love me like I love me? By all your heart> ? with all your heart? ( and, sweetie, he WILL say and promise anything and everything to get 'all of you', and in all probability he will not stand by your side forever; in fact, he may never speak to you again.)
Re: Weariness by Niphredil	31-Jul-05/6:55 AM
I would change blanketing to blankets, and take out the comma after sky. Actually, I would take out all the punctuation, take out "and' and use "the flashes of light".
Re: Then what is the sleeve? by T. Jonathron Remp	31-Jul-05/6:47 AM
Sorry...this thought was Far too free for me...so disconnected...too disconnected to make sense out of. My favorite line was> "The flesh-covered oven hovered as I sat And watched as they pried the g from the front of the gnat" Although I wouldn't have used AS two times, and perhaps would have shortened the line with a word change here or there.
Re: Thoughts by drnick	31-Jul-05/6:39 AM
hmm..cathy little thing...yeah, I like it well enough. Doesn't Intellectual have two l's?
Re: A rhyme with no place to go. by darby pyn	31-Jul-05/6:35 AM
'malignant palms squeeze saturation hieroglyphic masturbation.' This line about graffiti is awesome! This is a strange poem, with layers that warrant repeated reads. I read it several times, and it grew on me more each time. Good job. Actually, it would make great lyrics I think!
Re: The Worst Poem Ever Created (edited) by drnick	31-Jul-05/6:29 AM
I went to see what the links were, that Zodic posted..and yep! the 1st, 3rd, and 4th were right up there! Sorry drnick, it wasn't the worst poem ever written, but it comes close! (So, how do I vote? A high score would imply this is good? Or would imply it is the worst?) I think I will rank it for the worst...that is what my score will reflect!)
Re: Revisiting Old Wounds by ObiWonKn	31-Jul-05/6:23 AM
Are you at the church, near a concert you missed, or couldn't get to?...some public event you are sad you couldn't be a part of? Is this about the Hunchback of Notre Dame, when he missed the OzzieFest? This would actually be pretty good, if you told us that specifically. The beginning is great, sets the scene, paints the picture...and then we say, "Huh?" with a puzzled look on our faces.I would have given this a higher score, had you cleared up the ending.