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you can't find me (Free verse) by daggatolar
deeper deep than the sea can reach down
and yet my tears is not rain enough
to mean to you
i am in pain
you are water down drown in rain
so how can my own little lttle eye drops
mean anything
and i am not
anything, the love you gave me once
was everything life to me
now you can't find me
too down
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Arithmetic Mean: 2.6666667
Weighted score: 4.72186
Overall Rank: 11903
Posted: July 29, 2005 8:00 AM PDT; Last modified: July 29, 2005 8:00 AM PDT
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Comments:
232 view(s)
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"and i am not
anything, the love you gave me once"
work on the places where you break...a break was not called for here. Work on the format. I like some of the runs of thought and wording...with some work this would be a good piece.