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What?! (Free verse) by drnick The moons view is one of wonder
Leaving limes for the undercover
Drinking dreams we throw them up
I can't feel for you I'm sick of love
Lonely roads dont have those lights
Its easier to see the stars and kites
String 'em up and we cut it loose
Why have the choice if we never choose
Up the ladder:
I AM NOT CONTAINED BY THIS UNIVERSE
Down the ladder:
Moving On
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: July 28, 2005 10:27 AM PDT; Last modified: July 28, 2005 10:27 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0794687 Overall Rank: 6467 Comments:
[9]
Dan garcia-Black @ 69.237.239.153
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28-Jul-05/7:13 PM
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Reply
Great last line.
Reads well if read rather fast...why have the choice of we never choose, indeed! Doing nothing IS doing something...it is a choice, and feeds some thing or another, some side or another, promotes one thing or another...as does silence! (Especially when you want to scream!)
You know what would be awesome? If you could be technical and completely RUIN EVERYTHING...you're completely right, not choosing is a choice...I meant it to be more like, "why have the choice if you always choose to do nothing and waste away into oblivion?" However, I don't think that rhymes. I put up a new poem for you to hate so enjoy ripping that one apart too.
Whoa, drnick...why have the choice of we never choose, indeed!>I said INDEED! as in I agree! I understood, completely what you were saying in this piece, and agree that apathy is our worst (worse?!) disease! Then I proceeded to think aloud...that is all! (my brain went something like...'but then again, is it not also true that doing nothing is in fact something, as that nothing has an effect, sometimes...and silence, that says volumes, sometimes, and sometimes we create an ill effect with our silence... and we do Something most nasty to ourselves, if we stay silent when we want to scream...') Just my analytical mind strolling along! I did not rip this piece apart, and did not mean anything remotely close to that! I gave you a 7! (and I am not a generous voter!)I like alot about this poem, there are some great lines> the last line, obviously; and then
'Drinking dreams we throw them up' ( graphically and symbolically cool) 'I can't feel for you I'm sick of love', also cool; (could have been the obvious meaning, but also> to be sick OF love, because of love, because of wrong love, bad love, no love...I think all sickness of head and heart starts with "sick of love" (or from), so I liked this line, no matter your original intent of meaning) and this piece has a strange but kinda cool cadence. (although I like it, the 'love' line actually breaks the cadence, but that made me stop to think about the meaning that could have, like a forced pause would have.(One spelling error> dont> don't). NOW...I wouldn't call that 'tearing it apart'; and the first comment wasn't either! Now quit being a moody artiste' and get back to writing! *wink*...off to find the new one you post....
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