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Revisiting Old Wounds (Free verse) by ObiWonKn
Revisiting Old Wounds Damp familiar smells penetrate the church, edging their way in like the proverbial double-edged sword Thick, melancholic mist cloaks the bell tower, Chiming remains uncovered The humming slices each second into tiny bits of nothing Muffled echoing shrouds the silence Piercing shrills and faint applause in the distance drive fear to the surface And so the tears spill out over my existence Salt and bitterness dance together on my tongue I?m left in the silence, tapping my feet to the rhythm

Down the ladder: Regime Change

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.64
Weighted score: 3.6491022
Overall Rank: 13566
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:17 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:17 AM PST
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Comments:
[5]... anonymous @ | 30-Jul-01/1:07 PM | Reply
you set a scene with such delicate sensibility - seems set down upon me like an over-riding truth....and suddenly you are there at the end with your internal struggle that I can't connect with this scene you've laid out. Perhaps if you placed yourself there in the first stanza - exploring your feelings at the onset, pulling back to describe the scene and then entering again with your last stanza
[4] LilMsLadyPoet @ 205.188.116.139 | 31-Jul-05/6:23 AM | Reply
Are you at the church, near a concert you missed, or couldn't get to?...some public event you are sad you couldn't be a part of? Is this about the Hunchback of Notre Dame, when he missed the OzzieFest? This would actually be pretty good, if you told us that specifically. The beginning is great, sets the scene, paints the picture...and then we say, "Huh?" with a puzzled look on our faces.I would have given this a higher score, had you cleared up the ending.
[8] Edna Sweetlove @ 85.210.13.138 | 21-Jun-06/4:43 AM | Reply
Beat out that rhythm on a pew, man! Cool! Groovy!
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