| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Thoughts (Free verse) by drnick Darker it becomes
The deeper you go
That which you seek
Is that which will grow
Infinite trails
and motionless travel
Intelectual opinions
And mindless babble
Sure you will find
A tormented soul
Shattered dreams
Which once were whole
Constantly searching
Through what is known
But what you seek
Has yet to be shown
Up the ladder:
Waiting to inhale (Stardust & God's Black Nostril)
Down the ladder:
I Shall Fight
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: July 31, 2005 12:01 AM PDT; Last modified: July 31, 2005 12:01 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7691 Comments:
[7]
LilMsLadyPoet @ 205.188.116.69
|
31-Jul-05/6:39 AM
|
Reply
hmm..cathy little thing...yeah, I like it well enough. Doesn't Intellectual have two l's?
Ditch the third verse. This is a thinkers poem. There's no place for melodrama. The last line isn't much of a revelation and it could end many different ways and still be as thought prevoking. ie. "is to not be alone" or "will never be shown" or "is the journey your on". The answer of answers should be a big surprise even if it's not.
The first verse is good; I hoped you would develop that theme. Instead, you contrqdict yourself.
mikey likes it
216 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
