Re: My question is...... by Annie	28-Aug-05/9:02 PM
The use of 2, for 'to' is annoying, to me. Spelling>its: it's. Why is there> Why are there. by tread> by thread. i'll> I'll (You used 'I'.) pathetic(.) Too many commas in the last stanza. Besides all that, it is a common theme that young people address in their life, and this poem is typical of the questions that rise when looking at spirituality. I would answer your last statement with: Christianity says that he did his bleeding for society...in order to save them from themselves. I would ask, what would you know or learn without the challenges, the tears, the pain? You would not know of triumph, happiness, or joy. Without hate, how would you know love? Without cold how would you know what warmth was? Should we all be saved from anything uncomfortablable or painful, when to do so would rob us of knowledge and experience? If a mother protects her child from any and ALL pains, is he prepared? Is he knowledgable, does he live a full life? No, love is not robbing her child of the right to choose, even when that choice is not best. Love is letting him make mistakes, and letting him learn and grow from them. I have been through many trials, and now looking at it all and am glad for every single one...it makes me who I am! I have a wisdom that I could not have had, had I been 'spared'. It gives me knowledge to share with ohters, it gives me a compassion that is rare in most people, it gives me a wider perspective and I can look at things with less judgement.
Re: untitled by LatinQueen	28-Aug-05/8:42 PM
sorry...but it needs more meat. and...each other/ two words. And you forgot the ending period, since you used them throughout.
Re: The Moment of Over by Bethy	28-Aug-05/8:17 PM
friends> friend's Other than that, love the ending!
Re: Honesty by the_poetess	28-Aug-05/8:14 PM
Hey, complete sentences; correct spelling, capitalization, and puncuation! Great format to what and how you wrote it...better than some I have seen lately...!!!
Re: Quevedo: Psalm by Sasha	28-Aug-05/8:11 PM
Wow, very cool, very timeless and timely, but is ancient feeling none-the-less. Seems to speak from past to those of now and the future...thanks for sharing!
Re: Shoestring Salutation by MacFrantic	28-Aug-05/8:04 PM
I mean the poem...nice! (As for hallway sex, guess that depends on with whom!)
Re: Shoestring Salutation by MacFrantic	28-Aug-05/8:03 PM
hmmm...nice!
Re: that explains it by FreeFormFixation	28-Aug-05/7:55 PM
smile*...cute! I like this. It would help if you cleaned up the capitalization, and puncuation. At 'whistled' is not a start of a sentence, but you end with a period. I have been informed that to begin a sentence with And is okay. sucked through my nose as I slept, is not a complete sentence either. I am not very strong in puncuation usuage, but I suppose you could leave it out altogether, or get some help with it.
Re: hallway by skaskowski	28-Aug-05/7:48 PM
vacumn< spelling
Re: smoke is rising by celticskatermatt1	28-Aug-05/7:45 PM
spelling check> cought, heros, when YOUR choking, perserver Work on the puncuation, it would help it to read better.
Re: a comment on Apollinaire: Mirabeau Bridge by Sasha	27-Aug-05/6:59 PM
It is melancholy,like Moonlight Sonata is, in music, this is, in word. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Re: a comment on orange crumble by impert&ent	27-Aug-05/6:47 PM
Ah...a new word! Alas, I was feeling lazy and did not look it up! Thank you. Spall, then means crumble....so is it corrct to say, as the poem does> "bricks spall and crumble"? Would seem one and the same word. Like: bricks 'crumble' and crumble? I would think spall>chip away, is more of an action taking place, so that would not work in that context...? "Bricks 'chip away' and crumble" Would it be correct usage to say?: "Bricks spall, becoming rubble beneath the feet of passers-bye." Thanks for the info!
Re: a comment on Wrapping a Gift by Dovina	26-Aug-05/4:49 PM
Zodiac! a kindred spirit, at least as far as that song goes...my all time ever, forever and ever, favorite! Isn't that the absolutely sexiest freaking song you have ever heard?! The entire song is about her in that dress, for those of you who don't know it...David Bowie's 'Cactus', off the Heathen CD...Is worth a definite listen. Oh...cool poem!
Re: orange crumble by impert&ent	26-Aug-05/4:21 PM
spall? typo? (spill, fall?) made up word? new word I have somehow managed to miss? gap in my vocabulary? What of this wall?...you described it, now I wonder about it...perhaps you could add to this, make it more than just a description. Does this wall match how you feel? How the area feels? Dark and crumbling? Is it decaying while everything else around it is newly built and valued? Is there a contrast you can include, to make this wall interesting? Does is separate you from something, does it line something, does it hold up something of worth, or left to decay as if it is nothing, when it is in fact something? As it stands, it just stands and does not garner much if any attention. I need more than this if I am to take notice of this wall of yours.
Re: Tarragon by D. $ Fontera	26-Aug-05/4:11 PM
I adore: "Her voice weaves sweet,"...awesome line...perhaps change chasses to 'shifts'?... 'She shifts and her hips send thoughts of romance'...etc.
Re: a comment on This Just In... by drnick	8-Aug-05/9:11 AM
Actually I do not put a whole lot of faith in Al Jazeera as an accurate media source. Just because there are picture does not make it reality, ask any graphics artist. I did a search of the keywords in your statement, and could find nothing. Do you have a credible link? That said...it is all sad, and nasty business.
Re: a comment on BY ALL YOUR HEART by prettyktm	8-Aug-05/9:00 AM
prettytkm...good luck in your search! Maybe your dream boy is not swimming, perhaps he is on a lovely boat, afloat and drifting, looking also....(smile). "Love is like a butterfly; the more you chase after it, the harder it is to catch. If you sit very still, at peace, it will come to land softly upon you."
Re: a comment on Tangled web. by darby pyn	8-Aug-05/8:53 AM
You are welcome, Darby.
Re: After He Left by Dovina	3-Aug-05/1:20 AM
possesseions> spelling error. Other than that...cool! My fav:"Perhaps that's why I hord the world in words with hope that when I die the sum suggests" <I adore this...belongs in the "Writer's Anthem". No, there is no such thing, just in my mind, when I run across words that say our passion, dive, and purpose so eloquently)
Re: Tangled web. by darby pyn	3-Aug-05/1:15 AM
their> there clinched> clenched? my woos> ? made up word? (I've been known to use them) or woes? if so then next words don't rhyme. ? I'm too tired to look up> hypocrisy looks mispelled, but it might just not be. This is a strange piece for me to digest...The first stanza makes No sense to me at all, but then the rest seems connected and I decide I like it...so disconnected, and at places hard to read> hard to know where to pause, break, start, stop. You use punctuation, so maybe doing some cleaning up on that would help to clarify some places. Example> 'I’m the one she had not the one who was chosen' Is this to read?: 'I’m the one she had, not the one who was chosen.' You use periods, but no capitalization, other than 'I' and 'A-frame', maybe you would consider fixing that. Besides the technical stuff, and the fact that I am facinated by the strangness of the wording, aaaaaand that I have decided I like alot of the lines...I am not sure what this is even about, or what it is saying...all I know is that it leaves a sour taste in my mouth, a feeling of morbid facination with what ever in the world is going on in this piece- which I suppose is the intent...but.. there is more to it than that, a deeper thing in there...but what? I am not sure! I gave you a fairly high score in spite of what all is wrong with this piece...because I have the feeling there is a gem in there.