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Tangled web. (Free verse) by darby pyn And I could not remember the beginning
of our first December, Christmas in your
pulses beating. memorized I start repeating.
each stuttered dot in my brain, each pause I chose to refrain.
sifting the hourglass sand through the fingers of your hand.
caught between each slit of your grip squeezed from coal
Iâm your diamond tips.
cutting glass window reflection. breaking mirrors seven
year deception. superstitious black cat denial.
Iâm the victim, Iâm the rival. A- frame ladder canopy
beneath itâs social hierarchy. scab tearing scars leave
no room for injection. I wear my tragedy like a confession.
conjoined blamed twins each one the others guilt.
soot stained mouths too dry for milk. mother
has fangs kisses bleed lipstick poison.
Iâm the one she had not the one who was chosen.
talon toes underneath the tables stare caress
my woe's, my clues my dares. suck the
salt from her heels, ankles, calves, thighs staring up
at her moaning, bit lip, clenched teeth gasp.
I shudder and leave, Iâm not the bastard I was born to be.
too many secrets in the sea of me.
I have to live with these consequences.
one more I might burst.
apologizing from my hearse.
Iâm cursed but there are degrees of this.
I wonât be the crucifix praying for
water under an agnostic sky, swinging
rosaries dangle like a noose. choking
on it's moral hypocrisy.
Up the ladder:
Non-Fiction
Down the ladder:
Parrallelogram Perry Como
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.3333333
Posted: August 2, 2005 11:41 PM PDT; Last modified: August 4, 2005 9:30 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.8013287 Overall Rank: 11154 Comments:
Chilling yet very revealing...Bethy
I had to read this poem a couple of times...but I like it...Bethy
Thank you very much Bethy.
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This is a strange piece for me to digest...The first stanza makes No sense to me at all, but then the rest seems connected and I decide I like it...so disconnected, and at places hard to read> hard to know where to pause, break, start, stop. You use punctuation, so maybe doing some cleaning up on that would help to clarify some places.
Example>
'Iâm the one she had not the one who was chosen'
Is this to read?: 'Iâm the one she had, not the one who was chosen.'
You use periods, but no capitalization, other than 'I' and 'A-frame', maybe you would consider fixing that.
Besides the technical stuff, and the fact that I am facinated by the strangness of the wording, aaaaaand that I have decided I like alot of the lines...I am not sure what this is even about, or what it is saying...all I know is that it leaves a sour taste in my mouth, a feeling of morbid facination with what ever in the world is going on in this piece- which I suppose is the intent...but.. there is more to it than that, a deeper thing in there...but what? I am not sure! I gave you a fairly high score in spite of what all is wrong with this piece...because I have the feeling there is a gem in there.
sometimes I just miss them.
this poem is about allot of things.
it's hard to explain, hence the poem.
I'm glad you liked the parts you did.
thank you again.