And I could not remember the beginning of our first December, Christmas in your pulses beating. memorized I start repeating. each stuttered dot in my brain, each pause I chose to refrain. sifting the hourglass sand through the fingers of your hand. caught between each slit of your grip squeezed from coal I’m your diamond tips. cutting glass window reflection. breaking mirrors seven year deception. superstitious black cat denial. I’m the victim, I’m the rival. A- frame ladder canopy beneath it’s social hierarchy. scab tearing scars leave no room for injection. I wear my tragedy like a confession. conjoined blamed twins each one the others guilt. soot stained mouths too dry for milk. mother has fangs kisses bleed lipstick poison. I’m the one she had not the one who was chosen. talon toes underneath the tables stare caress my woe's, my clues my dares. suck the salt from her heels, ankles, calves, thighs staring up at her moaning, bit lip, clenched teeth gasp. I shudder and leave, I’m not the bastard I was born to be. too many secrets in the sea of me. I have to live with these consequences. one more I might burst. apologizing from my hearse. I’m cursed but there are degrees of this. I won’t be the crucifix praying for water under an agnostic sky, swinging rosaries dangle like a noose. choking on it's moral hypocrisy.