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After He Left (Free verse) by Dovina Whether he really went somewhere
or where,
I couldn't tell.
Only his possesseions remain.
Perhaps that's why I hord the world in words
with hope that when I die
the sum suggests
a larger life than lived -
a healthy afterlife
existing after imagination.
Up the ladder:
Too much rain
Down the ladder:
Geraldine Florentine, MD
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.1666665
Posted: August 2, 2005 7:57 AM PDT; Last modified: August 2, 2005 7:57 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.5827065 Overall Rank: 2364 Comments:
[9]
MacFrantic @ 207.200.116.65
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2-Aug-05/10:44 AM
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Reply
One of the best ending stanzas I have ever read, but the first one could use a bit of work. It makes sense, but the change in tenses and the last line-in the first stanza-is a bit grey. *9*
[n/a]
Dovina @ 85.169.62.90
> MacFrantic
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3-Aug-05/7:42 AM
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I'll change remain to remained. Thanks.
Nice work.
an honest description. 8
possesseions> spelling error. Other than that...cool!
My fav:"Perhaps that's why I hord the world in words with hope that when I die the sum suggests" <I adore this...belongs in the "Writer's Anthem". No, there is no such thing, just in my mind, when I run across words that say our passion, dive, and purpose so eloquently)
Thanks for the spelling catch. As writers, I think many of us have this fantasy. Thanks.
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