Re: The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy	12-Dec-05/11:17 AM
chthonic, subfusc, oneiric, alpenglow, lambent, prestidigitation,...whew...I hate having to get out the dictionary to look up words in the middle of reading!...are these all real words, or have you made one up?(prestidigitation) and is chthonic said 'Ku-tho-nick'? Was this some maniacal English teacher's assignment? To use these words correctly in a poem? Okay...that said...cool poem. However, I think that English teacher would say that a comma should be used here and there. (Ex:Their blindness like ours is begotten) and period usage is sketchy at best (Ex:But in the land of sand and dust.) But...I am not an English teacher, and since you said all this with such flair I will give it a decwent score. However, I can't give you a high score, since you use words such as worms and dust,(among others) that speak with such grit, but then threw in those $10.00 words. It would have been more accessible without them. That said...Amen!
Re: Ionic Winter by david	12-Dec-05/7:55 PM
Lose the Macbeth reference, fill in the blank with something else;I don't see the relevance of it. I'd like to know what she said 'fine' to. Answer that, and replace Macbeth, and I might see my way to a higher score. I like the general flavour of it.
Re: The Legend of the Crow by TLRufener	12-Dec-05/7:58 PM
I never look at the votes or comments, but I would be suprised if anyone thought this mustered anything higher than my generous 3...sorry...it sucks in general, and really is lame, to be specific.
Re: War (edit) by zodiac	12-Dec-05/8:12 PM
? "as new graves, as a bombed field? I was loving this up to and after that...but I got lost there. What does that have to do with the rest? I could relate to this as one who keeps a 'food storage', well-stocked with provisions...and am driven to stock up on things I may need. This describes my large utility room full of such things, and the times when I had no bread, but I had plenty stored away, "in case". Winter rolls around and I am driven to start stock-piling. I related to the woman in this piece...but you refer to her as girlie (Girly), as if in put down. If one has ever truly gone hungry, then one probably can relate to such things and the need for self-sufficiency, and the little quirks one gains from that experience. Based on that long winded comment, think I'll give it a high score...I like the strange flow of it. For lack of better words, it just hits me good.(Except for the bit about graves and bombs, which I am still lost on...but I'm not breaking my own rule to see the comments before I vote and post!)
Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy	12-Dec-05/8:53 PM
First...disclaimer:I have an affinity for the Celtic, but that said...I love this piece! And since I am in rare form tonight, I am suprised I took the time to pick around on this one and to let you know what bugged me alittle. (Feeling cynical and snide tonight...sorry.)I did give you a 9 on it, perhaps just 'cause you gave me something Celtic, with an olde feel to it, that so applies right now. Perhaps because nothing else piqued my interest tonight. Perhaps because it speaks from a time....never mind. Yeah, fix it up just a tweak, and I might just throw my first 10 out there! Filigree.(,)~ That, that will and that, that be.(,) Are dressed both in a fellow down.~ angry men.> I would change to better the rythm/flow right there.~ Plato(.)~ turned and runned> (an') would flow better and follow the language used. (runned? >and ran? to run?) Galveron(.) for we are so few (too few? we're?) large. (,) girthly span.(kinda awkward right there, interupted the flow. ?shorten it, change?)
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Dec-05/8:57 PM
naw...sorry.
Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey	12-Dec-05/9:03 PM
This reminds me of some childrens poetry. The premise is cute; I know a Bri, who is a bit of an artist with stuff everywhere. But, that said...even childrens poetry should not be mundane...keep working at it and you'll have something of quailty to give them!
Re: Blah Blah by Blindpoetry	15-Dec-05/10:19 PM
Now that you got that out of your system, got anything else?
Re: Privacy by Dovina	15-Dec-05/10:22 PM
Oh God...this is mortifying...and good! Man...Great...goes right to the stomach...justas it should. Very good!
Re: I love to see the sunrise by amanda_dcosta	15-Dec-05/10:27 PM
I see the steps my life's taken.< seems alittle awkward in the rythm. Through remorse and a helping hand.<One less syllable would help. I would shorten the second to last line. Just my thoughts.
Re: The Cowardice of Francis Evans by Caducus	15-Dec-05/10:32 PM
Dawn dances in its white gown On empty graves dressed in nettles The wind has come to moan The sun has (risen) to fall And like the crown of winter's queen All that lives is all that's green. (This is awesome, but to me the rest does not have the same high quality of flavor...this was rich, the rest was flat, comparitively.) 9 on this part alone, minus the spelling errors.
Re: We'll be right back after these messages by INTRANSIT	3-Jan-06/8:24 PM
I would have liked more... "So I played....with myself...with my guitar...with leggos...the spider in the corner of the window...something! Yeah, depressing...it says play, and I sit passive, watching. (Like 1/2 of America.) I just see that this could have went so many places.
Re: light [edited] by lmp	3-Jan-06/8:43 PM
rind...hmm...fruit/ fades ON your skin.... you put a wilting fruit rind on her/his skin? Not a pretty picture...
Re: loved once by celticskatermatt1	3-Jan-06/8:47 PM
I don't get it.....seems too disconnected. 'again'>typo. I take it you are afraid to commit...once bitten, twice shy thing here? It could have been more clear. Why the shame?
Re: Shut Me Up by D. $ Fontera	3-Jan-06/8:52 PM
I take it you are young or a 'young' writer. This wasn't impressive, but keep trying.
Re: Shadow's Stride by D. $ Fontera	3-Jan-06/8:58 PM
shred reads as a typo...the single comma....'round... other than that the images are dark, but don't paint an entire picture well. It attempts to, but doesn't. I'd say keep working on it...make it more clear what is going on. (all the shades in this black room? black says black...no color...)
Re: Schoolyard Walls by Joe-joe	3-Jan-06/9:06 PM
giggling, bobby-socked girls, stained-glass I believe it should be. I like this...sweet. A little rough around the edges at> "along with scores of others that I could never hear. Only my own---only those in my time - - -
Re: Schoolyard Walls by Joe-joe	3-Jan-06/9:07 PM
giggling, bobby-socked girls, stained-glass, one-handed, I believe it should be. I like this...sweet. A little rough around the edges at> "along with scores of others that I could never hear. Only my own---only those in my time - - -
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Jan-06/12:53 PM
I have freely acknowledged that puncuation within poetry is a thorn in my side. Any thoughts? Specifically, any thoughts that may be helpful?
Re: Giving in to a boring suggestion by Joe-joe	31-Jan-06/8:23 AM
cute... 'a martyr'...excellent line!