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Shadow's Stride (Free verse) by D. $ Fontera I shred tears down
From crimson eyes
And whittle some fears
Into lies, I know
It's you
Grounded latches catch
And fetch me in the dark
By the ankles
While I stammer there
Clouds wound round
Your hair
Are darker to me
Than all the shades
In this black room
Up the ladder:
O dear.
Down the ladder:
love
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Posted: December 29, 2005 6:47 PM PST; Last modified: January 1, 2006 12:41 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9284782 Overall Rank: 9356 Comments:
[n/a]
Niphredil @ 192.114.44.176
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31-Dec-05/4:02 AM
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Reply
Last stanza is nice. I don't get the first two...
Should "shred" be "shed," and "whiddle" be "whittle?" confusing.
Whittle only, but thanks.
shred reads as a typo...the single comma....'round...
other than that the images are dark, but don't paint an entire picture well. It attempts to, but doesn't. I'd say keep working on it...make it more clear what is going on. (all the shades in this black room? black says black...no color...) 168 view(s)
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