poemranker ::Shadow's Stride by D. $ Fontera

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Free verse № 135923

Shadow's Stride

by D. $ Fontera

Member since 2004 · Posted 29 Dec 2005 · Edited 1 Jan 2006 · 4 comments

I shred tears down From crimson eyes And whittle some fears Into lies, I know It's you Grounded latches catch And fetch me in the dark By the ankles While I stammer there Clouds wound round Your hair Are darker to me Than all the shades In this black room

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mean 4.40 weighted 4.93 rank 9350 views 168 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] Niphredil 31-Dec-05/4:02 AM Reply
Last stanza is nice. I don't get the first two...
[7] deleted user 1-Jan-06/3:51 AM Reply
Should "shred" be "shed," and "whiddle" be "whittle?" confusing.
[n/a] D. $ Fontera › deleted user 1-Jan-06/12:41 PM Reply
Whittle only, but thanks.
[4] LilMsLadyPoet 3-Jan-06/8:58 PM Reply
shred reads as a typo...the single comma....'round...
other than that the images are dark, but don't paint an entire picture well. It attempts to, but doesn't. I'd say keep working on it...make it more clear what is going on. (all the shades in this black room? black says black...no color...)