Free verse № 134058
The mountain has come to Mohammed
The mountain has come to Mohammed.
The bivouac nation upturned.
The dapple in the apple, a worm at
itâs core. One is turned
to gravel, for one dust to dust.
All in the name of Bin Laden.
Or so weâre led to trust.
The worm, the worm, the conquering worm.
His quest a chthonic pathway east
to tap the subfusc river. He gaps
his sewn mouth, and speaks
of peace. Gives us a sense of trust.
But he eats between his terms.
And what he eats is dust.
âPleased to meet youâ, He says.
(I hope you guess his names.)
Then he talks of oneiric wants,
fields of verdure, fresh streams,
alpenglow mountains rising from dust
on twilight horizons. He prays
to a new world and in him we trust.
Yet those indelible souls remain while
from the ramparts the worm watches.
The guns and the bombs lambent
until dawn when the soldiers mark notches
on helmets. Day by day losing trust
in who greets them with smiles.
Singinâ âAnother one bites the dustâ.
The mountain has come to Mohammed
by the hand of the land of the worm.
Through a prestidigitation of justice .
Distracted by the constant alarm.
But in the land of sand and dust.
Their blindness like ours is begotten
from the words in god we trust.
36 comments
hope it works
You're right of course. It's too focused on one aspect right now.
I only wrote it just today and I knew I'd need to broaden it.
I just wasn't sure it was worth the bother. It all started with something you said about words you keep on your refrigerator. I did my own version of that and decided on a topic and set out to use at least a few of them in the poem. I chose the worm for these reasons: A conqueror, underground activity, biblical reference, drills into the ground, shiftyness and for the "W". The worm isn't death in this poem although he brings it. The worm is "W". I just can't think of anything yet that fits him better. Once agian I agree with you. There's not enough twists and turns in the road this poem takes. What was your interpretation of the poem's meaning? I wasn't sure if I was being too vague or not enough.
No, it's neither too vague nor too obvious.
In some ways Bland and poemranker are alike, donât you think? Was there a little nod to OâHenry in this one with the ironic surprise ending and the title choice? I think this is the best of the two. Certainly the most difficult to write I imagine. One of the few modern stories that Iâd consider in my Rereadable category. I've only now come to realize that much of your southerness comes out in your similes and metaphors. They are always strange and colorful and way out of left field. It's a shame the public is force fed Anne Rice instead of stuff like this.
"I promised that from now on I would write only for the Lord... [Jesus is] the ultimate supernatural hero, the ultimate immortal of them all."
- Anne Rice, October 2005
Call it a satire and they'll proclaim you "the ultimate supernatural hero" genius.
Here's the greatest poetry ever written about Jesus:
http://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/t
Disqualified. I'm tired of anything heroic being a metaphor for Jesus. Heroic things seem to be metaphors for Jesus because Jesus himself is a metaphor for heroic things.
I didn't mean to break a golden rule. Just thought you'd get a chuckle out of it.
Dictionary.com's backlist of "words of the day" is like a goldmine for the stumped writer.
p.s. This approach has probably been done before but it's new to me. I love when I experiment with artforms because I have no idea what kind of reaction I'm going to get. It's curiously thrilling.
PS AlChemy: I really dug the rhyme and half-rhyme this time, and the way your rock references reflect the rock referencing of a million Vietnam War movies.
Yeah, That was my little nod to Kubrick and Stone. I thought "How appropriate" but I was surprised and glad someone made the connection and didn't think I did it as a cheap gimmick.
Okay...that said...cool poem. However, I think that English teacher would say that a comma should be used here and there. (Ex:Their blindness like ours is begotten) and period usage is sketchy at best (Ex:But in the land of sand and dust.)
But...I am not an English teacher, and since you said all this with such flair I will give it a decwent score. However, I can't give you a high score, since you use words such as worms and dust,(among others) that speak with such grit, but then threw in those $10.00 words. It would have been more accessible without them. That said...Amen!
(BTW, is this (gold) bouillon spelled the same as, say, 'beef bouillon'? It does seem it should be 'bullion'!)
My favorite lines>
But in the land of sand and dust
Their blindness, like ours, is begotten
from the words "In God We Trust".
Log in to add a comment.