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The mountain has come to Mohammed (Free verse) by ALChemy
The mountain has come to Mohammed. The bivouac nation upturned. The dapple in the apple, a worm at it’s core. One is turned to gravel, for one dust to dust. All in the name of Bin Laden. Or so we’re led to trust. The worm, the worm, the conquering worm. His quest a chthonic pathway east to tap the subfusc river. He gaps his sewn mouth, and speaks of peace. Gives us a sense of trust. But he eats between his terms. And what he eats is dust. “Pleased to meet you”, He says. (I hope you guess his names.) Then he talks of oneiric wants, fields of verdure, fresh streams, alpenglow mountains rising from dust on twilight horizons. He prays to a new world and in him we trust. Yet those indelible souls remain while from the ramparts the worm watches. The guns and the bombs lambent until dawn when the soldiers mark notches on helmets. Day by day losing trust in who greets them with smiles. Singin’ “Another one bites the dust”. The mountain has come to Mohammed by the hand of the land of the worm. Through a prestidigitation of justice . Distracted by the constant alarm. But in the land of sand and dust. Their blindness like ours is begotten from the words in god we trust.

Up the ladder: The Well
Down the ladder: I Really Don't Care

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.571429
Weighted score: 5.6915636
Overall Rank: 1939
Posted: November 24, 2005 2:02 PM PST; Last modified: November 24, 2005 3:08 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 24-Nov-05/5:50 PM | Reply
Sympathy for the Devil reference...nice..
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > wilco | 25-Nov-05/9:59 AM | Reply
My favorite is still "Fade to Black" though.
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.27.6.94 | 24-Nov-05/6:08 PM | Reply
here'a link to the Laibach version: http://media.putfile.com/Laibach57

hope it works
[9] zodiac @ 81.10.122.113 | 25-Nov-05/1:28 AM | Reply
I like the music references. What I don't like is using the worm so much. There's already a great poem with that image, you need to add something, a strong image of your own.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 25-Nov-05/4:09 AM | Reply
Poe's or your's? (har-har)

You're right of course. It's too focused on one aspect right now.
I only wrote it just today and I knew I'd need to broaden it.
I just wasn't sure it was worth the bother. It all started with something you said about words you keep on your refrigerator. I did my own version of that and decided on a topic and set out to use at least a few of them in the poem. I chose the worm for these reasons: A conqueror, underground activity, biblical reference, drills into the ground, shiftyness and for the "W". The worm isn't death in this poem although he brings it. The worm is "W". I just can't think of anything yet that fits him better. Once agian I agree with you. There's not enough twists and turns in the road this poem takes. What was your interpretation of the poem's meaning? I wasn't sure if I was being too vague or not enough.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > ALChemy | 25-Nov-05/12:56 PM | Reply
By "W" I mean the man we sometimes call "W" and the worm also represents a hidden agenda.
[9] zodiac @ 212.118.19.241 > ALChemy | 27-Nov-05/6:00 AM | Reply
It's not just that it's too focused; it's something like making a poem almost entirely out of images of a character named Sexy Sadie breaking the rules and making fools of everyone. Saying that the worm is only bringer of death (where Poe's is death/some grand lord-or-mascot of death) isn't enough. At least my Conqueror Worm is a mezcal worm and not anything to do very literally with death. And besides, I wrote it drunk, that's got to count for something. Yes, I can't think of a better image for Bush at the moment - but that is our job, isn't it? To come up with new hard-to-think-of images that seem so obvious and perfect to future generations looking to rip off easy images?

No, it's neither too vague nor too obvious.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 27-Nov-05/8:23 AM | Reply
True enough. The worm as metaphor should be laid to rest I suppose. But my mind searches now for other underground dwellers to take it's place. The mole? No Taken. The serpent? No taken. The maggot? Damn you R. Lee Ermey. Taken. Hmmm...Eureka! I've got it. The GRUB. GoeRge BUsh. Whatcha think? I could practically superimpose it onto the word worm. With that done I think Maybe I can focus on a few more stanzas from the Afghan perspective. I hope this is what you meant 'cause I think I really like the Grub metaphor.
[9] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 28-Nov-05/4:04 AM | Reply
Having just submitted a poem comparing Islamic terrorists to annoying mosquitoes, I'm in no position to talk.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 28-Nov-05/6:06 AM | Reply
I think it must have something to do with NC. The bugs are huge here and you can't help but become fixated with them.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 27-Nov-05/8:46 AM | Reply
Oh, by the way I just finished Local Colour. I know I’m a procrastinator but after all it is the southern way.
In some ways Bland and poemranker are alike, don’t you think? Was there a little nod to O’Henry in this one with the ironic surprise ending and the title choice? I think this is the best of the two. Certainly the most difficult to write I imagine. One of the few modern stories that I’d consider in my Rereadable category. I've only now come to realize that much of your southerness comes out in your similes and metaphors. They are always strange and colorful and way out of left field. It's a shame the public is force fed Anne Rice instead of stuff like this.
[9] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 28-Nov-05/4:03 AM | Reply
The older I get, the more I realise how influenced I am by the whole O'Henry/sci-fi ironic twist. When I want to be literary, I tell myself it's O'Henry; when I'm realistic I tell myself it's sci-fi. You know he's buried in Asheville, NC, where I've spent a lot of the last eight years. The Islam movie is going to be pure visually-stunning plotless ensemble drama. Maybe unfortunately.

"I promised that from now on I would write only for the Lord... [Jesus is] the ultimate supernatural hero, the ultimate immortal of them all."
- Anne Rice, October 2005
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 28-Nov-05/6:11 AM | Reply
I just realized Dovina is Anne Rice.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 28-Nov-05/6:24 AM | Reply
"The Islam movie is going to be pure visually-stunning plotless ensemble drama. Maybe unfortunately. ":
Call it a satire and they'll proclaim you "the ultimate supernatural hero" genius.

Here's the greatest poetry ever written about Jesus:
http://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/thegreatestamericanherolyrics.html
[9] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 28-Nov-05/6:35 AM | Reply
I'm going to call myself Sofia Coppola and the movie Lost in Translation with scary foreigners instead of cute Japanese ones and nobody as lovely as Scarlett Johanssen. God knows it'll flop for exactly that reason.

Disqualified. I'm tired of anything heroic being a metaphor for Jesus. Heroic things seem to be metaphors for Jesus because Jesus himself is a metaphor for heroic things.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 28-Nov-05/6:50 AM | Reply
Did you read the lyrics? Have you seen the show? It's about a weakling who suddenly has superpowers thrusted on to him and he has no idea what to do with them. It's a comedy. It ends with "believe it or not it's just me". I was trying to say he's not a superhero but has been forced into being portrayed as one.
I didn't mean to break a golden rule. Just thought you'd get a chuckle out of it.
[9] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/2:12 AM | Reply
I do know the show and remember the song, which plays over a scene where the hero levitates using aerosol cans, among other things.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/3:47 AM | Reply
Is that right there not a perfect symbol for the 80's? Like totally it is.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 28-Nov-05/7:23 AM | Reply
About the movie: If it's any consolation, I'd download it off Kazaa and watch it.
[9] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > ALChemy | 29-Nov-05/2:13 AM | Reply
I warn you, it may star Jeff Bridges. In which case it won't make any money anyway, and everyone should just pirate it.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 29-Nov-05/3:44 AM | Reply
Him and De Niro. Why do people think they are like the greatest actors alive? They're hams.
[9] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > ALChemy | 30-Nov-05/12:57 AM | Reply
Jeff Bridges is the greatest actor alive because of his distinctive beard. Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, also only became respectable once they got beards. Moral of the story: Beard thyself. Hirsutamus papaliter.
[9] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 | 25-Nov-05/3:18 AM | Reply
In a different league to the rest.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > cyan9 | 25-Nov-05/4:11 AM | Reply
Thanks. I'm trying a different approach to writing poetry.
[9] cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105 > ALChemy | 25-Nov-05/6:17 AM | Reply
Share the wealth then, whats this new approach? (p.s. When I said it was in a different league, I meant in regards to most online work, rather than your own (in case there was confusion))
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > cyan9 | 25-Nov-05/9:47 AM | Reply
Nothing too groundbreaking. I'm just starting by grabbing a bunch of words that I find striking, picking a topic and putting as many of those words in while still maintaining something meaningful(kind of a backwards approach). I also wanted to see how far I could take loose rhyme while keeping the scheme in the stanzas the same.
Dictionary.com's backlist of "words of the day" is like a goldmine for the stumped writer.

p.s. This approach has probably been done before but it's new to me. I love when I experiment with artforms because I have no idea what kind of reaction I'm going to get. It's curiously thrilling.
[8] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 25-Nov-05/11:40 AM | Reply
I like the Islamic references, but wish you'd leave Bin Laden out. Would be stronger I think just showing the attitudes. And prestidigitation adds nothing over magic. Some good images, but some are vague.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 25-Nov-05/12:17 PM | Reply
Bin Laden is suppose to help localize it to Afghanistan. If I went any further I think I'd be biting off more than I could chew. Slight of hand of justice I think says more than magic of justice. Magic can imply mystical powers where prestidigitation only tends to imply trickery.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 25-Nov-05/12:24 PM | Reply
Which ones are too vague? This is one of the things I was most curious about. I think I can learn alot from the reactions on this poem.
[9] zodiac @ 212.118.19.241 > Dovina | 27-Nov-05/5:54 AM | Reply
I think that's because he's mainly discussing the conflict between the West and bin Laden's brand of jihadism, and not Islam in general.

PS AlChemy: I really dug the rhyme and half-rhyme this time, and the way your rock references reflect the rock referencing of a million Vietnam War movies.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > zodiac | 27-Nov-05/7:40 AM | Reply
LOL
Yeah, That was my little nod to Kubrick and Stone. I thought "How appropriate" but I was surprised and glad someone made the connection and didn't think I did it as a cheap gimmick.
[8] LilMsLadyPoet @ 152.163.100.135 | 12-Dec-05/11:17 AM | Reply
chthonic, subfusc, oneiric, alpenglow, lambent, prestidigitation,...whew...I hate having to get out the dictionary to look up words in the middle of reading!...are these all real words, or have you made one up?(prestidigitation) and is chthonic said 'Ku-tho-nick'? Was this some maniacal English teacher's assignment? To use these words correctly in a poem?
Okay...that said...cool poem. However, I think that English teacher would say that a comma should be used here and there. (Ex:Their blindness like ours is begotten) and period usage is sketchy at best (Ex:But in the land of sand and dust.)
But...I am not an English teacher, and since you said all this with such flair I will give it a decwent score. However, I can't give you a high score, since you use words such as worms and dust,(among others) that speak with such grit, but then threw in those $10.00 words. It would have been more accessible without them. That said...Amen!
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > LilMsLadyPoet | 12-Dec-05/4:05 PM | Reply
They're all real words, words of the day even. Dictionary.com has a backlist of their "words of the day" that go back like 6 years or so. Grab a bunch that you like and when you start your next poem see if you can use any of them. Part of poetry is about expanding the lexicon of language. At $10 a word that comes to $60 please. I'll take cash or check.
[8] LilMsLadyPoet @ 207.69.137.42 > ALChemy | 13-Dec-05/10:12 AM | Reply
Sorry, all I have is gold bouillon, and I hoard that. Care to barter? :)
(BTW, is this (gold) bouillon spelled the same as, say, 'beef bouillon'? It does seem it should be 'bullion'!)

My favorite lines>

But in the land of sand and dust
Their blindness, like ours, is begotten
from the words "In God We Trust".
[8] LilMsLadyPoet @ 207.69.137.42 > LilMsLadyPoet | 13-Dec-05/10:14 AM | Reply
I am writing the U.N.! I want a separation of church and war...like the separation of church and state!
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > LilMsLadyPoet | 13-Dec-05/11:36 AM | Reply
Religion has little to do with war. It's just greed using religion as an excuse.
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