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Ionic Winter (Free verse) by david you are an ionic winter,
a rough stone
sitting on the beach,
forever waiting for the tide to arrive.
And here am i,
Macbeth in many ways.
With time on
my hands, i wait
for you to play these games.
"Fine," you say,
looking me up and down
rather critically,
"Just this once."
and since then, Portage
and
Main
has never been so damn cold.
Up the ladder:
Bottleneck
Down the ladder:
perversions 2: the revenge
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.4375
Posted: May 10, 2002 10:33 PM PDT; Last modified: May 10, 2002 10:33 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.385349 Overall Rank: 3214 Comments:
[5]
nentwined @ 66.92.183.34
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12-May-02/8:20 PM
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Reply
I don't get it, though I think I'd like to...
find yourself a summer girl, and let her aphrodesiac warm your heart, so that it never again worships at that cold temple
Find a summer girl, hmm? You make it sound so simple. ;-)
In what way are you Macbeth? Have you just been off killing kings? Seeing your best friend's ghost? Meeting witches? What?? This infuriates me.
I like this, but there are some rough edges that need to be smoothed out. I don't quite understand how you are MacBeth. What is the game that she is playing, if you are MacBeth, and she isn't really interested anyway? It doesn't sound like she's exactly being seductive. The first four lines are beautiful, the first 6 are good. Then, I get confused. I like the coldness of the poem. In the middle, the dialogue gives life and the potential for warmth, but it slips back into that dreary winter in the end, which makes me shiver. So much potential here; smooth out those images and I'll raise my vote. 7.
Crafty.
Lose the Macbeth reference, fill in the blank with something else;I don't see the relevance of it. I'd like to know what she said 'fine' to. Answer that, and replace Macbeth, and I might see my way to a higher score. I like the general flavour of it.
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