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Ionic Winter (Free verse) by david

you are an ionic winter, a rough stone sitting on the beach, forever waiting for the tide to arrive. And here am i, Macbeth in many ways. With time on my hands, i wait for you to play these games. "Fine," you say, looking me up and down rather critically, "Just this once." and since then, Portage and Main has never been so damn cold.

limonade 3-Nov-02/12:41 AM
I like this, but there are some rough edges that need to be smoothed out. I don't quite understand how you are MacBeth. What is the game that she is playing, if you are MacBeth, and she isn't really interested anyway? It doesn't sound like she's exactly being seductive. The first four lines are beautiful, the first 6 are good. Then, I get confused. I like the coldness of the poem. In the middle, the dialogue gives life and the potential for warmth, but it slips back into that dreary winter in the end, which makes me shiver. So much potential here; smooth out those images and I'll raise my vote. 7.




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