poemranker ::Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy

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Lyric № 135039

Oh Merry Fay (part 1)

by ALChemy

Member since 2005 · Posted 12 Dec 2005 · Edited 12 Dec 2005 · 34 comments

There along the Filigree. Where silver tides the Yeomangown. That, that will and that, that be. Are dressed both in a fellow down. So da’ce with me Oh Merry Fay and dally us our merry way. While the Daladia ladies play There holymn songs to Plato Flarny are the men at Gar who chank their teeth at Filigreemen and yank their hair and vank for war. They are a millanteenth angry men. So da’ce with me Merry Fay and dally us our merry way. For I shall sail Gelal today and I may die at sea. The Garmen come. They want us gone. The Terramornge will soon succumb and The Earl of Orange has turned and run into the hills of Galveron The odds are snarred for we are so few. We’re farming men not army men. They’re numbers large. More than we knew had ever marched this girthly span. So da’ce with me my Merry Fay and dally us our merry way and pray we can keep them at bay. Till the Platonians ally.

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34 comments

[9] LilMsLadyPoet 12-Dec-05/8:53 PM Reply
First...disclaimer:I have an affinity for the Celtic, but that said...I love this piece! And since I am in rare form tonight, I am suprised I took the time to pick around on this one and to let you know what bugged me alittle. (Feeling cynical and snide tonight...sorry.)I did give you a 9 on it, perhaps just 'cause you gave me something Celtic, with an olde feel to it, that so applies right now. Perhaps because nothing else piqued my interest tonight. Perhaps because it speaks from a time....never mind. Yeah, fix it up just a tweak, and I might just throw my first 10 out there!
Filigree.(,)~
That, that will and that, that be.(,)
Are dressed both in a
fellow down.~
angry men.> I would change to better the rythm/flow right there.~
Plato(.)~
turned and runned> (an') would flow better and follow the language used. (runned? >and ran? to run?)
Galveron(.)
for we are so few (too few? we're?)
large. (,)
girthly span.(kinda awkward right there, interupted the flow. ?shorten it, change?)




[n/a] ALChemy 12-Dec-05/9:01 PM Reply
Yeah I kinda just rushed through with the punctuation.
Thank ya Lil Lady.
[9] LilMsLadyPoet › ALChemy 12-Dec-05/9:18 PM Reply
I admit...I am not the English marm! So you'd better double check what I tell you as far as punctuation goes...it is my weak point!
[10] zodiac 13-Dec-05/7:25 AM Reply
Am I missing what the original song was?
[n/a] ALChemy › zodiac 13-Dec-05/11:12 AM Reply
The title says it all. It's about trying to find happiness while knowing you're doomed to die soon and how crazy it makes you.
Can you see any of the hidden WWII references?
[10] zodiac › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/1:10 PM Reply
Yes. But I'm still getting Irish, mostly.
[n/a] ALChemy › zodiac 13-Dec-05/2:09 PM Reply
Yeah, that seems to be a recurring quality in my lyrics. I too have Irish blood but nobody I know in my family has an Irish accent. I must be trying to get in touch with my roots or something.
You know, sometimes when I read this I hear it to the music of "Thank God I'm a Country Boy".
[10] zodiac 13-Dec-05/8:09 AM Reply
This reads like a Mondegreen, I don't know of what.

On the surface it's, um, entrancing. As far as punctuation, drop the periods at the ends of lines 1, 3, 4, s2line3, s4line3, s7line4. Add periods s2line5 and s5line7. You might also consider a comma at the end of s2line3, s3line4, s4line3.

Other than that, I'm afraid to comment, though I feel like you might have meant "snared" instead of "snarred", "Their" instead of "They're" in the same stanza, and another word besides "girthly". But who am I to say? 8th generation Irish-American, that's what.
[n/a] ALChemy › zodiac 13-Dec-05/10:57 AM Reply
Jabberwocky. The idea was to convey a story while filling it with words that don't exist. Most of those words do imply certain things though.
[n/a] ALChemy › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/11:02 AM Reply
Sorry about the punctuation and some of the grammar. I actually intended "They're". "They are numbers large" Just sounded more like what the strange talking narrator would say.
[10] zodiac › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/11:07 AM Reply
Oh. Cool. Reading it with Jabberwocky in mind, I can see where you got the rhythm, rhyme, and a lot of the structure. Odd that I didn't see it until I was told, though. Extra points for that.
[7] Dovina 13-Dec-05/9:58 AM Reply
Why must you entertain us with such lyrical,but unintelligible talk? Can you not speak Ordinary sometimes? Iget only inklings of what you mean.
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 13-Dec-05/11:04 AM Reply
It amazes me how many of my poems you get without even knowing you get it.
[7] Dovina › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/3:57 PM Reply
Are you saying that because I have no clue what you are saying that I get it?
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 13-Dec-05/4:01 PM Reply
pretty much.
[7] Dovina › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/4:08 PM Reply
Of course, youre kidding. You don't just write with no direction, absolutely no clue?
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 13-Dec-05/4:22 PM Reply
Why not Lewis Carrol did.
[7] Dovina › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/4:24 PM Reply
Be serious. I'm studious, non-frivilous, impatient-with-levity person who wants an honest answer.
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 13-Dec-05/4:33 PM Reply
Have you ever read Jabberwocky?
http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/jabber/jabberwocky.html
As stated in above comments it's about writing a story using a lot of invented words and yet still tying together something like a story. The idea is that the reader uses their own imagination with the made up words and in doing so takes the poem to a personal level that the poet could not normally achieve.
[7] Dovina › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/4:35 PM Reply
ok, that's a better answer. All I personally ask, and it may be too much to ask, is that a shred of comonly understood language prevail.
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 13-Dec-05/4:42 PM Reply
I had no idea that you wanted poetry on a silver platter. My apologies.
[7] Dovina › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/4:44 PM Reply
The finer and more elegant the better. I prefer diamonds on the platter.
[10] zodiac › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/4:32 PM Reply
See if you can get -=D_A=-,P.I., to talk about Carroll. You know he taught 'Maths' at their college, Oxford.
[n/a] ALChemy › zodiac 13-Dec-05/4:35 PM Reply
If anyone knows how to Jabberwock it's him.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › zodiac 14-Dec-05/3:13 PM Reply
This is the best Lewis Carroll poeme:

And what mean all these mysteries to me
Whose life is full of indices and surds?
x² + 7x + 53
= 11/3
[n/a] ALChemy › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 14-Dec-05/5:39 PM Reply
He was sort of the Andy Kaufman of literature wasn't he.
Maybe we can get Humpty Dumpty to explain some of our poems to Dovina.
[7] Dovina › ALChemy 15-Dec-05/1:24 PM Reply
I doubt that if all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put old Humpty right that he'd be much use in your noble, but British-like, cause.
[n/a] ALChemy › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 14-Dec-05/6:00 PM Reply
Do you have any favorite photos by Carroll?
[7] nentwined 13-Dec-05/4:49 PM Reply
cute jabberwock, but didn't hold me.
[8] amanda_dcosta 14-Dec-05/10:48 AM Reply
Beautiful! Anyway, who's the one who is going to die soon, and who is this character going crazy that he is of such inspiration to you. Just curious.
[n/a] ALChemy › amanda_dcosta 14-Dec-05/5:45 PM Reply
His name was Humbert Dumpledy. He sadly died in a fall off the castle wall during a brave attack on the Gar. :)
[8] amanda_dcosta › ALChemy 15-Dec-05/10:09 PM Reply
Yep, I get it! hmmmmm :-)
[8] Niphredil 16-Dec-05/2:42 AM Reply
Heh. Jabberwock was the first thing that came to mind. Very nice :-)