Re: A Father's Day Late by meek_little_braggart	23-Jun-05/3:15 AM
good rhythm, good rhyme. Go Jamaican Bobsled team!
Re: Fillamayer! by smiffy84	23-Jun-05/11:43 AM
when people move their verbs to accomodate a rhyme. I of Yoda think.
Re: How Well I See by Blue Magpie	24-Jun-05/11:48 AM
there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in Meatpie.
Re: The Intellect Repeats by Blue Magpie	27-Jun-05/12:23 AM
villanelles are hard work. I even had to look up how to write a villanelle to check to see if you wrote a villanelle. Which you did. Yikes.
Re: We by darby pyn	27-Jun-05/10:51 AM
bated means "to take away, subtract or lessen." The dictionary I opened also said it could mean "to flap the wings wildy." which did you mean?
Re: Hat of the Hare by thepinkbunnyofdoom	28-Jun-05/1:10 AM
I couldn't figure it out.
Re: The choices we make by darby pyn	30-Jun-05/1:32 AM
you have a lot of words in your mind. I think you may not lack intellect. I am not a good poet, but I do something with all of my poems that i think you should do: Think about each line and what it's saying. "inoculate the soars with rhetorical cement" inoculate (make immune through the introduction of a micro-organism or virus in a cultured medium) "make immune the sores with rhetorical cement" so, the disease you are trying to prevent is rhetorical cement? okay, rhetorical means what? Something said to produce an effect rather than a response. so rhetorical cement is what? cement that is cemented to produce an effect rather than a response? I am not good enough to try rhyming anything. I don't have a strong enough vocabulary to reach for rhyme AND rhythm...and I've been reading and writing for a long time.
Re: Gratitude by Dovina	3-Jul-05/9:38 PM
I have a little trouble with the 3rd to last line. "To pleasure" Pleasure is a noun. now pleasuring can be used intransitivly as a verb.. as well as pleasured. you could say "be pleased in what the dead cannot" and you don't lose the beats.
Re: Plastic Ideals by Nuit	3-Jul-05/9:46 PM
I couldn't follow this.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jul-05/9:50 PM
I couldn't find this one. Searched for it, but no. okay, one line I liked, "brazen wiggle of clacking hips."
Re: Mother Earth by TLRufener	3-Jul-05/9:56 PM
I couldn't find the beat. And i got confused by the rhyme scheme. i guess I need a cup of coffee.
Re: A Place by Celtic	3-Jul-05/9:59 PM
I didn't like it, because it doesn't do what i do. Then I read it again because I'm a bigot. Then it was fun.
Re: pop by Dental Panic	3-Jul-05/10:00 PM
I laughed. thanks.
Re: Promise Me by Taco	4-Jul-05/1:02 AM
seems like a first draft. make line four have the same rhythm as line two. add two beats to line four of S-3
Re: The taste of something new. by darby pyn	4-Jul-05/1:03 AM
I thought vanity was quite opaque. I can't figure out how a disconnection can be steep.
Re: Crying Tears with No Home by TLRufener	4-Jul-05/1:06 AM
I don't want to comment on the serious topic here. just that I didn't like the poem. the sentiment is understandable though.
Re: The Bastardization of Hypocrisy by Bluemonkey	5-Jul-05/1:48 PM
Every time I read some Kierkegaard, or go farther back to Augustine or Origen I realize we've been devolving for thousands of years... what's sad about your poem is that I have the radio on, the t.v. on and I'm posting this on the internet. I'm a flippin' trainwreck!!
Re: Because to Live I Must by TLRufener	5-Jul-05/1:53 PM
points for the laugh. what the witch in your poem is really saying is that she/he doesn't really believe in the old ways...or else the curtain would already be pulled away (such is the case with true believers).
Re: grampa told us stories by elderking	5-Jul-05/1:57 PM
I enjoyed.
Re: Close to my Heart by Chelsio	6-Jul-05/1:26 AM
I would like to encourage you to keep writing poems.