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Gratitude (Free verse) by Dovina On summer hills, a heavy bull
eats brittle brown grass,
and every bite tastes good.
I see it in his face
and wonder if he remembers
the green blades of winter,
or finds a duty of the living
to pleasure in what the dead cannot,
a gratitude for the running and mating
that made this small pleasure possible.
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: June 30, 2005 7:43 AM PDT; Last modified: June 30, 2005 7:43 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.179294 Overall Rank: 4853 Comments:
Rockmage - this isnt BAAAADDDDDD.
It really isn't. Would you please be a gentlemen and say why you think so? I admit the language is heavy handed in parts but like me she's trying to express herself and pick subjects hardly tackled. I see a lot of beauty in the stuff you write and thats the real you not this pseudonym(s) of yours. Worth a 6 at least.
Who are you talking to in Line 5?
I have a little trouble with the 3rd to last line. "To pleasure" Pleasure is a noun. now pleasuring can be used intransitivly as a verb.. as well as pleasured.
you could say "be pleased in what the dead cannot" and you don't lose the beats.
Although I have no qualms about using "pleasure" as a verb, Iâm changing it to "enjoy" because Iâve used pleasure twice.
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Might want to tell me what it is you saw in his face that convinced you how he found the grass to be tastey.
Conceptually, there is a wide range of things the living can do that the dead cannot - I have trouble pulling a subset of that from the grazing, running and matings of a cow.
I think you can do it - but not by just telling me to.
On summer hills, a heavy bull drools,
brittle brown grass like cigarillos in his teeth,
his eyes fixed on consumption,
oblivious to my presence,
I wonder if he remembers
the green blades of winter,
or finds a duty of the living
to pleasure in what the dead cannot,
a gratitude for the running and mating
that made this small pleasure possible.
Okay, I didnât give you a subset. Iâm still hoping the running and mating of his parents that gave rise to his existence is what gives this bull the gratitude and the will to make it through bleak late summer, hoping for green grass of winter and reveling in the life of it all. Do bulls think like that? Probably not, but I can hope they do.
Now that you've gone through the trouble of showing me his enjoyment I can't seem to anthropromorphize him to a plausible degree.
I love cows, I think they are cool and have a personality - but - I don't know. Another animal maybe?
Incidently I found out today why they put rings on cow's noses. The other reason.
Maybe Iâll go at it from another angle.